


Watch Me Drown

by sasstasticmad



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Angry Sex, Bathing/Washing, Birth Control, Blow Jobs, Bratty Sub Rey, Breathplay, Cave sex, Choking, Come Marking, Come Swallowing, Comfort Sex, Doggy Style, Dom Kylo, Dom/sub, Drowning, Drunk Sex, Exhibitionism, F/M, Fights, Fingerfucking, Force Bond (Star Wars), Hand & Finger Kink, Hand Feeding, Kissing, Light Bondage, Light Dom/sub, Lingerie, Loss of Virginity, Massage, Masturbation, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Orgasm Denial, Rough Kissing, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Secret Relationship, Semi-Public Sex, Sharing Clothes, Shower Sex, Spanking, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-09-13 17:44:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 35,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9134491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasstasticmad/pseuds/sasstasticmad
Summary: They are trapped on the island, the one from her dreams. They are doomed to live together.It's only right then to consummate the union.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Wine Mom](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Wine+Mom).



> Hey all- I'm so excited that my re-debut into fic writing gets to be this one-shot. It is by far the most explicit/depraved thing I've ever worked on which is something I am both proud of and a little weirded out about. 
> 
> Regular fics will be updated soon (He Who Lost the Crown and Swipe Right)! Fun fact: SWWBQ was published a year ago today. 
> 
> Other than that, thank you so much for reading and thank you always for your lovely feedback. It really does mean the world to me. 
> 
> Bug me on tumblr-mygrandmathinksimsassy.
> 
> Have a Happy New Year!

She doesn’t know how but she is on an island.

It is familiar, almost hauntingly so, but it bares no resemblance to any place she’s ever been. With its rocks and unforgiving ledges, Ach-To is almost as harsh as Jakku. This island, this unknown place, looks more like the paradises you see in holos. There are trees bearing fruits in vivid yellows and oranges and even the sand is tinged a rosy pink. Her legs feel almost shaky but she finds her way to the water’s edge soon enough. It’s warm, almost hot, and if she weren’t too scared to take off her boots, she’d dip her toes into the slowly moving tide.

It would be almost a vacation if she could see anything on the horizon, but her field of view is just as quiet as the ground beneath her feet. She is alone, utterly alone, banished in a mockery of Luke’s self-imposed exile. Another lifetime ago, she must have wept. Another lifetime ago, she wouldn’t have deserved it.

But she puts that out of mind for later and sets about on foot. A quick search of the island’s outer rim yields nothing but futility and so she journeys closer to the island’s center. There’s a lake of sorts hidden beneath a tree canopy and the water is almost bitter with how cold it is. She drinks near enough to make her stomach ache but it’s a far better feeling than going without.

Somewhere deeper still is a cave. Overgrown shrubs hide the entrance but Luke’s saber makes quick work of the most troublesome brambles.

If this were Jakku, there would be nothing but sand snakes writhing on the ground. Annoying pests but easy enough to slice and fry up. If she were particularly lucky, there might even be some flint.

Instead she finds him.

\--

“You,” she snarls, drawing her saber out from its hilt.

He doesn’t look surprised. In fact, he seems more expectant than anything else and she loathes the scar on his face for only adding to dignified way he freezes in his tracks. There’s a bundle of wood right beside him. By the size of it, he’s had more than enough time to anticipate her arrival.

"Why are you here?"

Her saber hand trembles but the blue light stays strong.

"The same reason you are," Kylo says, far too calm for someone so threatened. "I was made to. I didn't have a choice."

His weapon is dormant but his hand moves subtly lower, grazing his hilt. He lets the branch in his hand fall with a clang and she jumps in spite of herself. For a few blinding moments, she sees only snow steeped with blood.

"Don't come closer," she snaps. "I'll kill you. I'm not Master Luke, I'll do it with a smile."

"But you won't," he says. He disobeys her, stepping forward with each step of her retreat. "You'd die before killing me. I've seen it."

He juts into her mind, forcing upon her the dream she's had for weeks, one too terrible to be anything but real.

She shuts him out as best he can, but it isn't quick enough to hide the sight of her body limp in his arms. The imitation of him weeps. She supposes it must be for her.

"Stop it," she yells. "You have no right to that."

Luke's saber flickers in the shadows of the cave and he smiles cheerlessly.

"I have every right," he says. "I see it just as you do. You know it's all true..."

She doesn't hear the rest.

\--

Rey runs, as fast as she can and then even faster until she’s waist deep into the ocean. The water had seemed so pleasant earlier but her limbs begin to shake as pleasant heat becomes a distant memory. It is suddenly cold, far too cold, but she swims as crudely as she can towards somewhere far away.

She barely knows how to swim and she tries desperately to remember every note Master Luke had given her when she’d fallen into the river. She is a child, lost in an overgrown tub, and she’d loathe herself if it meant suddenly growing gills.

The salt of the water is harsh and her eyes are nearly shut from self-preservation but she’s far too angry to slow down. If she could look back, she’d see the island fading away but she refuses, more on principle than anything else. A harsh wave knocks the saber from her hand and she reaches forward to grab it.

She is borne forward by the current but her leg catches on something that refuses to let go. If it’s a beast, its grip is hardly deterred by her kicking, and it moves far too fast for her to get a closer look as suddenly it drags her down to the sea floor.

She wills the beast to stop its slaughter but it can either withstand the Force or she’s simply grown too weak for it to be effective. Her lungs begin to fill with water and she curses the ghosts that left her on Jakku for choosing such a desolate place to doom their daughter. But even as she falls, the ocean is still so beautiful and at least she's be given that. It will be over soon, so there’s not much left to do but drown.

It is more peaceful than she imagined, much nicer than starving to death and a far sight easier than collapsing in a junker. It’s almost pleasant and she thinks of Han’s falling body as she sinks deeper still. Was he calm like this when he drew his last breaths? Did the world start to glow as the life left his body?

There is a flurry of something dark and desperate, the screams of someone all too familiar, and then suddenly nothing at all. She hopes selfishly before her eyes close for the remembrance someone more careful deserves.

\--

_There are bodies, heaped in piles likes discarded nuts and bolts. None of them are familiar but it doesn’t make the spectacle any less revolting. Blood stains the ground and she wretches before she can stop herself. The bile burns her throat and tears stain her eyes._

_Death perfumes the air and its scent is all too familiar._

_He stands over them, triumphant like some ancient demon, until his flaming sword turns to smite her._

“ _I had to kill them,” the voice says. There is no regret, no profound sorrow, just the terrifying neutrality that only the wicked possess. His eyes are just as dark and haunted as the rest of him and she cries out for someone who used to wear his face._

_The light of the blade flickers and he juts it even closer. Her skin nearly melts clean off but she holds firm._

_“Please don’t make me do the same to you, my love.”_

_The ground crumbles beneath them and she starts to drown again._

_Her savior never comes_.

\--

She wakes in the cave, alive but much the worse for wear.

She must be alive. If she were dead, he wouldn’t be sitting beside her. He says nothing as she sits upright, only stares. His face seems gaunt somehow but his skin is still just as clean-shaven as she had remembered. There is no telling how much time has passed.

It could be hours. It could be days.

Clearing her throat is painful but so is being the object of such ardent observation so she speaks before giving into sleep’s welcoming embrace once more.

“How long was I asleep?”

There is no response even after she repeats the question. She waves a hand in front of his face but he either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care. She snorts, sounding every bit as undignified as she truly is, but he is unmoved.

"Are you going to ignore me to death?"

He doesn’t respond, just sulks like some overgrown raven. It's quite likely he hasn't blinked once.

“It’s a simple question,” she insists as she stands on aching legs. Standing up isn’t too bad but it’s not particularly pleasant so she audibly winces. “No need to be rude about it.”

She stumbles towards the waning light but she’d rather die before needing him to guide her. When she finally gets to the edge of the cave, the view reveals the same desolate bounty as before, but there’s bound to be another cave; another shelter that doesn’t hold murderers so she doesn’t waste time on pleasantries before deciding to leave.

"I'm leaving,” she tells him but he remains silent even if he does meet her eye. "Don't stop me or I'll kill you.”

She runs her hands over the pockets in her trousers, feeling for the trinkets she has always carried with her. There’s enough twine to fashion a spear and to keep her hair out of her face and she should be able to salvage some of the dried portion she remembers tucking away in a different lifetime. All she needs is the more recent addition and her fingers dart to her saber hilt in the last step of a well-practiced routine.

Her belt is empty and Luke’s- never hers, it never felt quite like hers- saber is gone.

\--

Within seconds, she is only a breath away from him and he stands at his full height.

"Where is it?” she hisses, only inches away from his beastly face. He is unchanged and she loathes him for it. “Give it back.”

“It isn't yours,” he says plainly. “It doesn’t belong to you.”

"It's not yours either," she says. “We both know that.”

"But at least I respect it. You nearly let it drown with you,” he snaps. “If Luke knew anything, he'd have taught you to make your own instead of letting your talents go to waste with something so precious."

"And I suppose you would have?" Rey taunts. "The great Kylo Ren would deign to lower himself with a scavenging little nothing like me. I’m sure it would really eat up the time you dedicate to destroying the galaxy."

“I could forgive your humble beginnings if you wished for my guidance,” he says, stupidly calm. Every word is measured and his face is riddled with disgusting neutrality. “I never rescinded the offer I made on our first meeting. The fact that you were so eager to maim me is only proof I should have forced you to accept.”

His scar shines even brighter now and she regrets only that it isn't deep enough.

“I wanted to kill you,” she snarls. “I should have when I had the chance.”

“Do it now then,” he retorts. “Make good on your promise.”

Rey lunges for him but it’s hardly a fair fight. She’s half sea water and he’s had all the time in the world to let his loathing fester. She tries to claw his eyes but he grabs his wrists in his hands, letting his nails scrape far too hard. She kicks him but he either doesn’t feel it or doesn’t care, and when she tries to knock him over, he uses her weight against her. She’s quick but he’s massive and cleverer than she expected.

Before she realizes it, she is pressed against the cave wall with her hands pinned together in one of his. His breathing is stilted and so is hers and her heart throbs maddeningly in her chest. His pupils are enormous and she can see only black.

\--

He could kill her outright. He doesn’t.

\--

Kylo swoops down and his teeth find her neck. He bites down, hard, and she moans despite herself, baring her neck even further as he attacks sunburnt skin with a ferocity she has never experienced. He tears her shirt with his free hand, sliding his fingers beneath the mangled remains of her breast band to examine what little lies beneath.

His hands are rough on her breasts and she tries to kiss him-to pretend this is the normal way people go about things- but he refuses, his grip harder on her wrists as punishment for her cheek. His mouth is everywhere but her lips, raining a fiery trail down to the skin he has so callously exposed. He sucks on her right breast and she swears far too loudly for politeness. He leaves a bruise on the left and she nearly cries from needing more as he laves her with his tongue.

Kylo’s hand dives lower still until there is no use denying the symptoms of his touch. He groans against her skin, sucking harder on her skin as he explores her. He rubs her clit, not out of tenderness but cruelty, and his fingers almost hurt. There's no hiding how wet she is and when she moans, she can feel him panting against the side of her neck.

Her breath catches in her throat and his bites become almost loving as she thrusts against his hand. She can see his thoughts, a jumble that’s mostly her and she doubt her mind is any less subtle. He is in her even now just as she’s in him and they are so fucking intertwined that she might die right there, shedding the body he has so ruthlessly captured.

She comes before she even has time to expect it. She bites her lip instead of screaming and the salt in her mouth turns coppery.

\--

There is no time to bask in the afterglow. Within seconds, he has her pressed against the cave floor with no hope of escape. He straddles her and lowers his pants just enough to expose his cock, hard and red and leaking. It should be fearsome but its mostly just beautiful and she leans forward to take it in hand before she can stop herself.

"No," he growls, shoving her down as she reaches her hand out. "You don't get to touch me."

He holds her down with one hand as he strokes himself with the other, his eyes searing into hers with something more than his previous disgust. He groans and suddenly he finishes, his cum hot on her breasts and stomach as their panting fills the air.

She is bathed in him, stained filthy with the ruins of his teeth and mouth. Some of the excess decorates the hand on her chest and he casts it from her skin just as easily as he holds her down. He holds his fingers to her gaping mouth, nudging them deeper until she starts to suck them clean. The taste is bitter and she nearly gags from the intrusion but she does as she's told and savors each drop until he leans forward, replacing his hand with his mouth.

She has kissed before. She kissed Poe once, her body humming with inebriation during one of the stupid party games young pilots liked during their few leisure days. Poe tells her she kissed Jessika too but if she did it was too hurried to be remembered.

She even kissed Finn when he made a supply run to Ach-to just weeks ago, more out of gratitude than anything else, the excitement of being flesh and blood instead a vessel for the force. He was sweet and his lips were soft but it was nothing like this. Finn was gentle and Finn was kind but he wasn't this.

Kylo kisses her like he wants to steal her breath. He bites and he claws, desperate to tear her open, to rip her soul straight from her body. He is blood and heat and wet and she almost has no choice but to fight back as he takes from her. She sees even more of him now. There is nothing left to hide.

\--

He pulls away eventually, much to her relief and disappointment. His pupils are still wide but the savagery from just moments before fades quickly back to nothingness.

"You're the most wanted woman in the system. I’m sure my mother’s lackeys will have found you before the week is up," Kylo says with an almost clinical detachment. "Keep yourself alive until then."

Even with the threat lingering in his words, her cunt still throbs with wanting him.

"Good. I should be healed by then," she says curtly, eyeing the purple trail of destruction he has left on her skin. "Your mother’s lackeys will think you tried to eat me."

He smiles and it is far harsher than his glower. His teeth are far too sharp.

"I did," he tells her plainly. He moves an errant hair from where it hangs on her cheek. She waits with bated breath for the caress to turn into a slap.

"I wanted to swallow you whole. I wanted to destroy you."

He says this like the most solemn of wedding vows and her heart pounds in her chest.

"Then you should have let me drown,” she says almost absentmindedly. “The ocean could have done it for you."

His hand is suddenly on her neck, tight enough for her to feel it but just shy of a fatal blow. She can feel his restraint, the way his fingers tremble against her skin, but she’s not sure how long he can be kept at bay.

"I'm the only one who gets to kill you," he says. His eyes are boring into hers and she can scarcely see a color than black. "Just as you are the only one who gets to kill me. Everything about you is mine."

He kisses her again and it would be almost sweet if he weren't still holding onto her neck. His lips are gentle, beseeching instead of demanding, and she happily parts her lips to allow him entrance.

He tastes of salt and copper, iron and blood, and it is the sweetest thing she’s ever drank.

"Get some sleep," he says more like a father than a lover. "You need it."

She expects another kiss, perhaps hopes for one, but he stalks out of the cave just as quickly as he set upon her.

Exhaustion overtakes her before she can protest.

\--

Rey wakes to the smell of something briny and her stomach rumbles. She sits up, suddenly aware that the remnants of her shirt and breast band are crumpled beneath her head like a pillow. His sturdy overcoat covers her torso and she’d be touched if she weren’t angry at herself for sleeping deep enough to allow him such indulgences.

He’s sitting in front of the hearth, practically undressed in his tunic and trousers. His saber is gone from his hilt, likely hidden wherever he thought to keep Luke's, and it is as close to a truce as they will likely ever get. There’s a good size fish roasting on the sizable fire he's made and even if she weren't so hungry, it is too cold not to bask in the fire's welcome heat.

The only sound is the cackle of the embers and she contents herself with watching Kylo until he finally notices her stare.

“Didn’t realize the First Order were so survivalist,” she says and he scoffs.

"They’re not,” he says matter-of-factly before throwing more sticks into the flames. “I learned this before.”

He doesn’t say when before was and even she has tact enough not to ask. For a fleeting second, she sees a boy with hair just as black and a long, sad face sitting round a fire with a slightly less gray Chewie and much less gray Han. It’s a pleasant enough scene but he shuts her out of his mind before she can continue prying.

He hands her half the fish and she takes it a little too eagerly before retreating to the other side of the fire. The flesh is tender and she groans after savoring the first flaky bite.

Master Luke is a fine teacher but he has forbidden any meat to be consumed while she is his pupil. To be fair, he had also forbidden physical attachments and here she sits covered in his last student’s cum.

She would be repulsed but she’s mostly just hungry so she chooses instead to attack the fish with all the savagery still left in her. It’s good, far better than the dried rations they serve on Resistance bases, but he doesn’t need any telling.

She’s done with her portion in minutes, looking up only when she’s done. His fish is still intact- unmarred by desperation- and he seems content to have feasted solely with his eyes.

"You're filthy," he says but not cruelly. It’s matter-of-fact and given her current condition, she can hardly deny its accuracy. "Absolutely revolting."

"I'm only filthy because I smell like you," she barks. "It's your fault, not mine."

He lets out a pleased sort of hum at this, looking far smugger than he has any right to be.

“I suppose it is,” he says with a note of finality. “How rude of me.”

He picks at his half of the fish with the sort of fickleness she’d only ever seen on stray cats. Even if she didn’t know his mother better than the woman who bore her, his disinterest alone would be enough to shape her visions of a sunny childhood. He’d been allowed the luxury of waste. Her stomach aches with envy and she nearly drools as he slowly sets it down.

"Come here," he says abruptly, beckoning her with curled fingers. "I want to look at you."

“You can see me just fine from across the fire,” she says. “Eat your dinner if you need something to do.”

“I’ll give you the rest of my portion if you’re good,” he replies. “Indulge me.”

He raises an eyebrow and she’s too hungry and far too stupid to ignore such an enticing proposition. She walks over with the resignation of a condemned man but he doesn’t seem put off in the slightest.

She stands before him, eyes rolling before she has a chance to stop herself. She crosses her arms across her chest but lets them fall to her sides when he shakes his head and threatens to throw the fish into the fire.

"Are you satisfied then?" Rey asks. "Do I meet your exacting standards?”

He smirks and she scowls even further.

"Take off your pants next," he commands in a brusque tone. "Underwear too. I want to see all of you before you eat.”

She sighs but his face is just as unyielding as the rest of him so she shucks off her bottoms as clinically as possible. If it weren’t for the great weight of his coat, her legs would freeze, but more shocking than the night air is the way he tugs her closer.

She squawks as he grabs her ass but her sounds of indignation are soon replaced by an almost timid moan as his finger dips between her folds.

"You're still wet," he says, looking at her with something that is almost pride. "Even wetter than before. I can smell it."

Kylo steals his finger back from her cunt and sucks on it. It comes out of his mouth with a pop and her cheeks burn with embarrassment and want.

"And yet it's me that's filthy," she mutters under her breath. He laughs, a pleasing rich sort of laugh that roars from somewhere deep in his stomach.

She likes it, his laugh. It is an utterly pleasant thing, something nearly as warm as the flames themselves.

"I never claimed to be good," he says and the way his finger finds it way back against her clit is proof enough. His lips brush up against her and she lets out a shaky breath. "You pride yourself on it."

He kisses her mound, breathing in her scent, before ruining the moment.

"Has anyone done this before?" Kylo taunts. There’s a knowing look on his face and she has never hated him more. "Did the traitor get to taste your cunt? Did you let Dameron get his prick wet?”

"Yes," Rey lies through gritted teeth and he bites her inner thigh enough to make her gasp. "I let the entire Resistance have a go after I almost killed you. I couldn’t walk for weeks.”

"You're lying," he says. "You've been waiting for me. I know you have.”

Two of his fingers are suddenly inside her and Rey swears before she can stop herself. He spreads them slowly, stretching her out, with his gaze locked onto every tremble of her lips. He curls them upward and she nearly collapses as he discovers the rhythm she has perfected on quiet, starless nights.

Much to his credit, he’s a quick study. Much to her misfortune, he seems perfectly aware of that fact.

"How long have you been fucking your fingers and pretending they were mine?"

His ego radiates around him like the most blinding light, burning hotter than the sun. She doesn’t respond, biting her lip rather than give him the satisfaction he so desperately craves, even as she bucks wildly on his hand. So instead he adds a third. There is no preamble, no hesitation, only the slick of her cunt and the rough embrace of his callused hand.

"I'm going to break you," he tells her, punctuating his words with another bite. "I'm going to lick you until you beg to come. I'm going to fuck you until you beg for me to breed you."

"And if I don't?"

It is a challenge but there is no menace in her voice, only desperation.

"Then I'll make you beg,” Kylo tells her.

He spreads her lips with his fingers before attacking her with his lips and tongue. Kylo kisses her cunt the same way he had her mouth, single-mindedly and without mercy. He drinks from her like he will die from thirst. He fucks her open like it is his purpose, licking her like he has no need of further sustenance.

Her legs are trembling within minutes and suddenly she’s much too hot. She moves to undo the belt holding his massive cloak on her body but he seizes her fingers before she gets the chance.

"You're not allowed to do that yet," he snaps. "Not until I say."

"Can you at least take off something of yours then?" She asks. It sounds almost like she's begging but he seems unperturbed. "I should get to see you too. I want things to be fair."

He pulls her roughly onto his lap and she can feel how hard he is through his trousers. Their eyes are level and his mouth is just out of reach as he parts her legs.

"It doesn't matter what you want," he says. He runs his fingers over her cheek and a sigh escapes her throat. "I couldn't care less about pleasing you."

It's a lie, she thinks, but she can't be certain. He leans forward, the rough skin of his lips ghosting against her willing mouth.

"I want you covered in me and screaming my name," he breathes. "I want anyone who dares to look at you to know that you're mine. I want the entire fucking Resistance to know you belong to me.”

It's only then that he shoves his coat off of her, casting it on the ground with hardly a second thought.

She is prostrate and bare, a willing supplicant, and she nearly salivates as he pulls down the trousers that clings like a second skin.

His cock springs free and he rubs it against her clit before he slides into her. The head is slick with proof of his want and she's been more than worked open with his fingers and tongue but even then she gasps as he thrusts up. He silences her with the press of his lips, his mouth an apology for something neither one of them would admit. The kiss is gentle but the way he snaps his hips is desperate and selfish, so much so that she can almost believe he doesn't care

"I can feel your cunt stretching for me," he growls.

He thrusts at an angle and hits something foreign even to herself. It's too much and not enough but all she knows is that it must never stop. She moans and he hits the same spot again. His nails dig into the meat of her hip and she is even louder still as he begins to move even faster.

It does not last long but she has no idea how it could. Not when everything they’ve done has led to this.

“I’m going to cum in you,” he says. He is trying so hard to be imposing but she hears his voice break as his cock begins to swell. It won’t be long now and she grinds as best as she can against him, rubbing her clit against his skin.

"Is that what you want, Rey?” He asks, gripping her tight. “Do you want me to fill your little cunt?"

"Yes," she demands, furiously nodding her head. Her breathing is ragged and her heart nearly stops as he kisses her once more.

This one is tender, sweetened even more as his cock begins to throb. He groans into her mouth and she drinks it in, allowing herself to be entirely full of him.

\--

He holds her on him well past the point of necessity and calm floods through her like a virus. He does not hide his mouth from her and they kiss in the delicate way sweethearts must do on calmer planets. He blesses each mark on her body with his lips and she runs her fingers through the knots of his hair.

When he finally allows her to move, it is only to be beside him. She reaches for the cloak but he decides instead to rub her to another painful climax. She calls his name without intending to and his eyes never leave hers as she returns to her body.

But soon enough, he drapes her in his coat once more and hand-feeds her the remaining fish bite by bite. There is always some part of him touching her throughout the night and she likes to think that she’d fight him off if she weren’t still recovering.

When they sleep, he wraps himself around her and writes his name on her skin. She pretends not to notice and just counts how many times he marks her again and again.

\--

It is done now. She cannot be saved.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is no longer about what Rey needs. It is about what Kylo wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am absolutely blown away by the reception to the first chapter. So much so that I definitely felt like I needed to make this an ongoing series. (Tags will be updated each chapter) For conversations that don't include actual talking, Kylo is bold and Rey is italics. 
> 
> You are all incredibly wonderful and you have no idea how much I value every single person who reads something I care so much about. Thanks as always for the wonderful feedback and let me know if there's anything you'd still like to see.
> 
> Bug me on tumblr-mygrandmathinksimsassy- There's lots of Reylo and dogs.

Rey leaves the Resistance base nearly as soon as the General’s men salvage her from the island’s sinking depths, enduring her rescue for barely a day.

She is deposited in the infirmary by the rescue squadron before she has a chance to protest, forced to lie about each and every one of the marks that dots her skin. She talks extensively of the beast that nearly drowned her, the terrifying jolts of its inky limbs, but its clear from the stares that are passed along the room that nobody quite believes her, no matter how much they nod their heads.

It is some consolation that Doctor Kalonia clears the room before a more invasive examination. It makes the shame of asking for a contraceptive implant less painful than she deserves.

She packs soon after; grabbing the few clothes she has been given along with her staff, before leaving Luke’s saber to burn on the bed. Each time she runs her hand over the hilt, she thinks only of the man who had done his best to steal it from her, and her heart pangs with more than just her overwhelming guilt.

\--

The General offers to assist her and Rey is not foolish enough to refuse the most powerful woman in the galaxy. They work in silence until suddenly they don’t. General Leia clears her throat and Rey listens no matter how painful the words may be.

“I was captured once… during the rebellion,” the General says, her clear voice trailing off. “Jabba the Hutt thought Alderaan’s last princess made a fine addition to his harem.”

The General snorts dismissively before continuing.

“You must have seen a Hutt at the outpost. They’re never far from a crooked deal,” General Leia says with raised eyebrows and Rey nods.

"Usually you've seen one, you've seen them all, but Jabba was truly stupendous... they wrote odes about his stench."

She unfolds the uniform jacket Rey has just finished it, maneuvering it until it has the crisp hospital corners Rey never learned to make.

"He kept me on a leash like a dog," the General says, putting the jacket in Rey’s shoddy duffel. "Put me in this ridiculous outfit Han insisted I keep for posterity and thought that it made me a slave."

There is silence again as they finish packing and Rey wishes for nothing more than to disappear entirely. 

"I strangled him to death," the General says with an almost nostalgic smile. "I might not be as young as I was, but I'm sure I have it in me to gut another slug or too... I'm sure you'll take down more than me by the time your hair goes grey."

Leia hugs her close and Rey doesn't deserve to have this, not in the slightest. She doesn't deserve to be so cared for when she's done nothing to earn it, not when Kylo's teeth still flicker on her skin. 

"You're a brave girl," General Leia whispers. "I don't want to see you in chains."

The General, in her infinite kindness, is the only one not to ask about the bruises on her neck and chest, the ones Kylo’s borrowed shirt does little to hide. She simply stares with eyes that have seen far too much and holds her close, the way a mother might hold a daughter, when she makes her final goodbyes.

There were days, even weeks, when she had forgotten the General knows the Force almost as well as her son. It is no longer possible to make the same mistake.

\--

Finn, much to Poe’s disappointment, offers to go with her even if he isn’t quite sure where her destination lies. He looks almost broken but she rebuffs his kindness as clinically as she can, redirecting him instead to the guidance of Master Luke, who will soon lack his only pupil.

Her friend had once wielded the saber Luke had been given long ago and it had served him well. She does not doubt it will serve him even better in the wars to come.

Master Luke does not try to stop her and Rey doubts she would listen to him if he did. He abandoned the galaxy in search of a truth that may no longer exist. He has no room to criticize her when she claims to do the same.

\--

Chewie had talked about Kashyyyk when she first made her way to Master Luke. Perhaps it had been more for his benefit than hers, speaking of the family he often left behind instead of the friend killed by the boy he once knew, but he always seemed more at peace when describing the forests that had once been his home.

She is not foolish enough to venture somewhere so familiar but a world of green has its appeal. There are other planets in the system, ones just as bountiful if not as welcoming, and it takes hardly any time at all to find a suitable place to become a lost girl once more.

There’s a cabin deep in the wood that must belong some wayward hermit but even after skulking outside for two days, she sees no signs of life. Whoever has left it vacant is either dead or disappeared but it doesn’t matter to her why it is empty.

It matters only that it is.

It doesn’t take too much to break in and she’s almost pleased when she evaluates the terrain. There’s wooden furniture, all beautifully carved, and a decent amount of rations left in the cupboard.

Not enough to live indefinitely but enough to make do. Enough to keep her until the guilt finally takes hold.

\--

The wood has little in the way of company but there’s something familiar about the quiet way she survives. It isn’t a good life but she’s used to it and she can pretend to wait again even if she doesn’t know whom her patience is for.

Rey lets her thoughts wander to Finn, to Poe, and to Master Luke. There are even lonely nights where she consoles herself with the General’s disappointment but she forces herself not to think of _him_ before she can force herself to sleep.

But her dreams are steeped of him and every morning, she wakes desperate to sleep forever.

\--

He enters her mind while she tries to escape him. He spends weeks trying to find her.

**Where are you?**

It is a question he asks every night since they have parted and it is one that she still refuses to answer.

_I’d have thought you already knew._

His anger rages and it courses through her veins. She shuts her eyes and wills him to disappear but he is always stronger when he is desperate, she can tell. After all, she grows stronger too.

**Tell me**

_No_

That is normally the end of it but he is relentless. He waits until she is about to sleep, assaulting her when her defenses have lowered and her world is nearly pitch black.

**Please**

She doesn’t answer and his restlessness grows. She can feel his trepidation radiating within her and she wants to crawl out of her skin.

**I want you.**

Rey opens her eyes, allowing him a glimpse of her hideaway, the shadows of branches in the window and the stillness of her room. His spirits soar and it is almost painful to join in his delight so she closes her eyes just as quickly.

_That’s all you get._

She pretends to fall asleep and he pretends to accept it.

**That’s all I need.**

**I will find you.**

\--

It takes him less than a day to catch his prey

Rey can sense his presence in her shelter as soon as returns from her scavenge, the heavy feel of him tainting the air. She holds her staff aloft, terrified even though her body already begs to be consumed, and very slowly shuts the door behind her.

He’s had weeks to plan. She barely gets ten steps before he traps her.

She turns to swing the staff but he knocks it from her before trapping her wrists behind her back with one hand. Another hand is on her mouth, so tightly that she can scarcely breathe, and his entire body is almost vibrating. She tries to bite him, more out of habit than any real desire to strike, but his gloves are thick and he is too triumphant to care.

“You need to be more careful, my love,” he tells her. His voice is barely above a whisper and she can feel her heart pounding in her ears.

“Someone might try and hurt you.”

She tries to breathe in but she can taste only the leather of his gloves and the heat of his hand.

“I’m going to uncover your mouth now,” he says slowly. “I don’t care if there’s a not a soul for miles but you’re not to scream…. Do you understand?”

She nods her head and he presses his lips against the back of her head.

“Good,” he murmurs before making good on his promise. She gasps, relieved to taste the crisp air once more, as Kylo runs his free hand around her belt. His fingers don’t dip beneath the fabric, no matter how desperately she wants them lower.

"You don't have the saber on you," Kylo says and his voice is almost teasing. “Where are you hiding it?”

The hand travels up to her breast, squeezing it gently. A gasp escapes her and she wishes for nothing more than his hand on her mouth to stifle the sound.

"You were right before,” she says. “I didn’t deserve it.”

His grip is suddenly tighter, both on her arms and her breast, and the air suddenly grows cold.

“Who has it then?” He asks. “ _Tell me_.”

It is the roughest his voice has been in her presence and she would recoil if she had anything left to fear.

“It’s none of your business,” she snaps before he delves into his mind to take the answer from her.

Finn’s concerned face looms between them and Kylo growls in her ear.

“I didn’t let you leave just to give my things to traitors who don’t deserve them,” he snarls. “That better have been the only thing you gave him.”

She kicks his leg as hard as she can and the pain must be great because his grip loosens enough to get away. She can feel his betrayal but her loathing hides the taste and she grabs her staff from where it fell to the floor.

Rey swings and Kylo crumples to his knees as her staff meets his side. There’s likely to be a mark but it seems more than fair for all of the wounds he has inflicted on her. He lets out a shaky cough and she moves the staff to his temple, her body humming with the restraint that keeps her from swinging again.

"I don’t need it to deal with you,” she hisses. “What’s to stop me from just taking yours?”

He should cower but instead he lifts his head, gazing at her with a fondness that is entirely too familiar.

"It is yours if you want it,” he tells her. “If you come with me…”

If he were anyone else, she would say he was begging, but a man like him is far too arrogant to do anything but demand.

She shakes her head and he attempts to needle his way into her thoughts once more. He is desperate but she is livid and she blocks him off entirely before he can find where she is still so weak.

"You already left the Resistance,” he says. “You wanted to return to me. You wanted me to be the one to find you."

"I left for my benefit not yours…” she says but he does not take the time to listen. If he did, he would hear the quavering in her voice.

" You wanted to disappear… You never went back to Jakku,” he tells her. "The Crolute at Niima Outpost confirmed as much after I cut off his limbs."

She sees Unkar Plutt’s great hulking body ravaged by sands and scavengers alike, a present wrapped in the fabric of memory, and her blood begins to boil.

"If you'd have given Plutt half a dozen credits, he would have told you anything he ever knew about me," Rey says. "You needn't have maimed him to get information that he would have been more than happy to give you."

"Killed, not maimed," Kylo corrects, his chest puffing with pride. “He didn’t deserve to even say your name. I couldn’t allow him to live after seeing what he did.”

She sighs and he seems almost offended at her lack of immediate gratitude.

"Are you unhappy that he's dead?"

And though they both know the truth, he awaits her answer anyway.

"No," she says bluntly, drawing in a much-needed breath. 

She does not mourn the murder of an aspiring despot, the death of the beast that had been tasked to keep her safe and had instead left her to rot in the sand, but she cannot appreciate Kylo's misguided devotion. 

There is part of her, the girl of six who counts each day alone, that pities Unkar for the way he died, that mourns the shattering of the crystal that would preserve her life before. Jakku was untouchable and so far away but it was supposed to remain unchanged in her absence.

But an even greater part of her, the part that has grown stronger each day since she washed up on the island’s shores, is livid. Her heart thuds dangerously in her chest and she hates herself for envying the creature that brought about her jailor’s end, loathes herself for not tearing the beast that kept her in chains limb from limb the way Kylo never earned.

How dare he claim what was not his to destroy. How dare he steal what little she has and act like it belongs to him

"You shouldn’t have done it," she tells him, hissing like some feral thing. She runs the head of her staff against his head and it has never been more difficult to keep from striking him down. "He never hurt you. He never starved you. Killing him meant nothing to you and you took it from me.”

She had thought he would shout at her for rejecting his offering; but instead he beams with something that she had only ever felt in shards. She can feel his joy, sudden and overwhelming, and it shakes her to her core. It should be in conflict with her rage but it isn't and the two intertwine like they've waited their lives to join. It is a powerful feeling, greater than any she has ever experienced, and its halo surrounds them both.

He rises, almost cautiously, and she lets the staff fall once more to the ground. He takes her face between his hands and she is suddenly aware of how easy it would be for him to snap her neck.

"I will never deprive you again," he swears. His eyes are locked on hers and each word is a blessing. “I promise.”

Their lips come together and he seals his oath with a kiss. It is not clear who starts it; whether she is finally bold enough to take or whether he is merciful enough to give, but it hardly matters now.

What matters is how it will finish.

His gloved fingers finish the inspection he had been so quick to begin. Any cloth that is not easily removed is very quickly ruined but the first hungry caress of her breasts is worth it even if she needs to feel his skin. It is likely he will leave bruises. There is no part of her that minds.

Rey mouths at his neck, eager to mark him in the same desperate way he has claimed her. She can feel his groan as it leaves his throat and she presses herself even tighter against him, doing her best to leave a bruise.

It is evidently not close enough. He hoists her up and she clings to him like a vine, wrapping her legs around him as they stumble into the cabin’s living quarters. There is nothing elegant about it but there is no need for pretension, not when they’ve both waited for so long.

Her cot is close but the table is closer and he sets her on it, ready to be devoured. She sits up to kiss him, to consume even more of his embrace, but he shoves her back against the wood, eager to expose her flesh to more than just his touch.

“One of these days I’m going to have you on a bed,” he growls, already undoing her trousers and sliding them down her legs. “I’ll fuck you the way you want instead of the way you deserve.”

The moment her legs are bare, he slides her underwear to the side and jams two of his fingers inside her. It should hurt but she’s dripping with just how badly she needs him, her whole body aching with just how much she wants.

He stretches her and she cants her hips and digs her nails into the table, unable to contain her groans as he draws her closer and closer to the edge. She lifts her head to watch his work, nearly coming from the sight of his glove slick with her desire.

She is so close but this is no longer about what she needs. It is about what Kylo wants.

He is inside her within seconds and everything about the way he fucks her is selfish. His hands are tight around her thighs and his eyes are glued to the ripple of her breasts. She grips the table tighter, her nails digging into the wood, as he thrusts even deeper.

His breath is heavy now and so is hers, broken only by the groans that come when she can feel just how deep he is. He fucks her even harder still and she might even scream his name.

He comes with her name on his lips and then suddenly all is quiet. She's on the verge of following suit but he holds firm onto her wrist when she reaches for her clit, tormenting her with the promise of something he is not yet willing to share. 

**Soon**

He tells her this without moving his lips.

**But not yet**

He is inside her, body and mind, and she'd be angry at his lack of restraint if she didn't need more of him.

The air grows less heady and she regains sight of where she is lying. She is no longer a body, driven only by the need to feed and fuck, but a mind and that mind is whirling with doubt. Her breathing steadies and she can feel his cock begin to soften even if he does not move an inch.

He watches her throughout this, studying her face, and she can’t endure to be the cause of such fascination for any longer.

"I don't have enough clothes for you to keep destroying them," she says after a moment, feigning a dignity she no longer possesses. “Do try and be careful next time.”

He smirks and she wishes she had strength enough to slap it off his face.

"You'll just have to stop wearing them then," he tells her. His hand runs slowly up and down her thighs and his voice is kind and soft. "We'll go somewhere hot where you don't need anything at all."

She says nothing in response, just gives him a non-committal hum, but he seems undeterred even as the memories of the island hang heavy between them.

It had been warm there. She hadn’t needed anything other than the cloak after the first night.

He closes the distance between them, kissing each cheek before finding her mouth. He is gentle but he always is after he fucks her, when there is no more anger left to burn them both. "You'll come back to the ship with me," he says once he pulls away.  It isn’t a question but he seems almost afraid of her response.

"Only for tonight," she says. "I'm not staying." 

His lips find her forehead and her heart skips a beat.

 _“We’ll see.”_  

\--

Kylo has a shower onboard his ship- a real one, not a sonic- and it takes no convincing on his part for her to agree to step inside.

He asks to undress her, his voice an apology for the ruins he has left her in, and she nods her head in silent agreement. He undoes her hair, running his fingers slowly through the tangles that haven’t seen a brush in weeks, before removing the guards on her arms. She cringes as the skin is bared but he continues anyway, meticulous no matter how frightened she might be.

“This is new,” Kylo says, running his finger over the newly exposed bump that hides her implant.

His voice is too steady for him not to know exactly what he’s touching and she cannot tell whether he is pleased or disappointed. So instead she waits with baited breath for eyes to meet hers, unsure of whom to be.

“I'm keeping it," she insists but it is clear that she has misjudged his reaction.

"I would never ask you not to," he says quietly. "You're still so young."

His voice trails off and his face is suddenly wistful for a future she may never be ready to provide. But he does his best to hide it away and she does her best to take his acceptance for what it claims to be. He finishes his work and she disappears into the mist. 

The water is hot, almost uncomfortably so, but her muscles nearly sing from relief to feel its sting. She can’t remember the last time she was allowed such decadence and even moonlit hours wiled away in a faraway lake cannot compare.

He joins her, allowing the evidence of their desperation to melt away under the water’s spray. He is striking, breathtaking in the way deadly things always are, and she stares with no politeness at the body he is normally so careful to hide.

She recognizes most of the marks on his skin. There are those she left a lifetime ago mixed with the errant few dotting his neck. The fresh ones will surely not last but there should be ample time during the night to make more, to remind him of what little resolve she has left.

His side still bears the mark of Chewie’s bowcaster and his other shoulder has the wrath of Master Luke’s saber but those are not the scars that worry her.

There are scars on his stomach and back that were not there the last time. He does not tell her how they came about and even she is wise enough not to ask. The marks are too orderly to be battle scars and too deep to be anything but purposeful.

Someone had clearly wanted to hurt him. Someone tried to make him bleed.

But he soon notices her staring and so she reluctantly looks away. Kylo washes her, taking his time with every inch of her body. It takes far too long for him to be satisfied and her skin is pink and raw by the time he has scrubbed away her imperfections.

\--

He dresses but not fully. His trousers are soft, made of the same yielding material she had favored while with Master Luke. His shirt exposes the whole of his arms, both the muscle and puckered scar tissue. He seems perfectly content and she envies him for the easy way he prowls toward her.

She stands naked in front of his mirror and he starts to dry her in a plush towel, attending to her limbs as if he were a priest worshipping the divine. His hands linger at her breasts and ass but he does not make good on his promise to bring her release, no matter how close he gets to touching her cunt.

Rey suspects she will not find it until much later. Perhaps if she displeases him, she will not get it at all.

So she moves her body as directed and does her best not to seem anxious when he disappears with his towel into the ship’s sleeping quarters. She doesn’t like being alone, not now when she has only stopped being so lonely.

But he is back before she can question it and she sees the flicker of something white in his palm that shines bright against the black of his uniform

"I got you something while you were away… From Tregalis," he tells her almost absent-mindedly. "A present.”

His voice is light and he makes their bond sound so normal, so pedestrian, that she nearly laughs.

"Should I be nervous?" Rey asks, raising her eyebrows.

“No,” he says, shaking his head, “Close your eyes and raise your arms.”

Rey does as he commands and she can feel whatever it is sliding onto her body like a second skin.

He tells her to open her eyes and she can’t help but gasp when she studies her reflection.

It is a nightgown of sorts. The fabric is soft, far nicer than any other garment she’s ever worn, but it is a gown clearly not designed for comfort. The length is far too short for practicality and the ivory lace is so fine that she can make out the lacking curves of her body, the shape of her nipples, and the dark hair between her thighs. She is not in any way decent and there is no faulting the intention behind such a gift. 

With her hair unbound and her cheeks aflame, she looks like a seductress. Dressed in her lover’s peace offering, she looks like a whore.

Kylo seems more than pleased if the way he stares is any indication. He looks at her like she is something wondrous to behold and she cannot decide whether to hang her head in shame or demand further tribute.

"You look pure," he says happily. His hands find her shoulders and he begins tenderly kneading them, working until the tension in them fades away. “Just like I thought you would.”

"Hardly… Prostitutes on Jakku wore more than this," she says and he clicks his tongue disapprovingly even as a hand begins its work on the back of her neck. “They’d think I was a ruined woman.”

His hand stills on her neck as though he is taking her pulse.

"You're the one who ruined me, my love,” Kylo tells her softly. “Don’t be so quick to forget.”

He leads her to his bed and she can barely remember who she was before.

\--

They talk very little but it was never the promise of decadent conversation that ties her to his side. He plies with her food that is almost too rich to swallow; full of the spices she had only ever read about and never ate. She knows not whether he is just trying to show off or if it his preference but he holds it to her lips and she opens wide.

**Wine?**

She is sitting on his lap at the edge of the bed, his hand massaging the back of her neck, and yet this intrusion is what feels too intimate for comfort.

“You’re not fucking me,” she says sharply and his hand stills. “You don’t get to be in my head anymore.”

_But yes_

His lips curl in a pleased sort of smile and her guilt ebbs away into something warm and filling. He hands her his glass and though it burns her throat, she consumes the entire glass.

The world goes slightly foggy when the alcohol finally begins to take hold and it becomes easier to see just what she has become, to be what she can no longer deny.

 She kisses him without waiting for an invitation, sucking hungrily on his bottom lip as she runs her hands through his thick hair. She likes the happy moans that flood his throat when she catches him unawares but she likes the way he holds her closer far more. 

Rey can barely go a minute without feasting on his lips and he can’t go a second without touching her so they stay intertwined for hours. Her body fits in his like it was forged to do so. The shine in his eyes belongs only to her. 

"There is a place for you here if you want one," Kylo says after oceans of silence. "We could be together... “ 

His lips are swollen and his hand rubs circles over the lace of his gift.

"I doubt your Supreme Leader wants that to happen,” she says. Her fingers find a fresh scar on his shoulder and her breath catches in her throat. She is doing her best to seem unmoved but Kylo is making it impossible.

"He will…once he sees how strong you are," Kylo insists, more sure of this than anything in his life. "No one could refuse you then."

He runs a thumb over her bottom lip before leaning in for another kiss, one that gets her drunk far quicker than his wine.

Her heart swells and she savors the sweetness that he takes such pains to hide.

\--

But he can only be gentle for so long when she can barely conceal just how badly she needs him.

Hours pressed on his lap with his mouth of hers have left her nearly shaking and she starts to demand what is still out of reach.

“You said you’d make me come,” Rey whispers. “ _You promised_.”

She presses a kiss to his earlobe before biting it and his entire body straightens, poised like a wild beast ready for the kill.

“And I will,” Kylo reassures her. “But I want something first…”

His hand dips beneath the lace of the nightgown to cup her breast. She leans forward, sighing when he begins to play with a hardened nipple. She murmurs her agreement before she can stop herself and his touch is suddenly rough. 

"I want you to suck my cock," he says. He is the same unfeeling tyrant he was just hours ago and she can feel her heart racing. "I want to fuck your pretty little mouth until you're begging for me to use your cunt and then I want to cum inside of you."

He uses his other hand to force her lower and Rey finds herself cooperating without the slightest bit of resistance.

"On your knees," he says. She slinks off of his lap, crashing to the floor in front of him, staring at his cock as he tugs down his trousers.

He is half hard already and she thinks to herself just how pretty it is even if he'd have her tongue for using such delicate language. But it is pretty, the pink of his cock and the black of his hair against the pale flesh of his skin, and she looks far too long before he speaks again. 

"Hands behind your back," he says and she does as she's bid. "Just use your mouth."

Rey leans forward and does her best to earn her release. She likes it much more than she thought would, the weight of him in her mouth, the feel of him swelling as she sucks even more of him down. 

 There's a power in it, making him so needy that he tugs on hair, and its nice to be the one that makes him feel like this so she takes him as deep as she can go and perhaps even deeper.

She gags as he cants his hips upward and he groans, tightening his grip on her hair as he uses her mouth. It's like he's fucking her throat now and it's all she can do to open wide and take it. The room is filled with his groans and she must look a mess but she doesn't have to think anymore, she simply has to do and do exactly what she's told.

"Touch yourself," he tells her, voice tinged with desperation. "I want you to touch yourself, Rey.”

Her hand is on her clit at once and it's almost disgusting how wet she is. She rubs herself as she moves her mouth up and down his length and if she weren't eager to come before, then she's practically desperate for it now. 

 She loses sight of everything but Kylo when he yanks her mouth off of him. He's holding her head so that she's forced to look at him, to stare at darkened eyes. 

"Do you want me to make you come now?" He asks and Rey nods eagerly.  

"Get on the bed then," he says briskly, letting go of her head. "On all fours."

Rey moves far quicker than she ever thought possible, bending over and becoming impossibly exposed. She can no longer see Kylo but she can hear him shucking off his clothing, taking his time as she waits for whatever he has planned.

Then suddenly she can feel his breath hot against her, can feel his fingers darting closer to her clit, and she is in agony.

“I want to taste you when you come," he says. Kylo kisses her thighs reverently and she whines. "Is that you want, Rey? Do you want me to let you come?”

"Yes," she hisses as she arches her back toward his mouth. She doesn’t need to see his face to know he’s smirking and if she had any sense, she’d already be plotting a fitting punishment 

"Are you sure?" Another kiss, this one just inches from where she needs him most, and she whines her understanding before calling his name.

“ _Kylo.”_

He buries his face in her cunt and she almost blacks out. He licks her until she is quivering, until she can barely keep from collapsing in a heap, and then he licks her more. He tugs her even closer, tightening his grip on her hips as he sucks on her clit, and she moans so loud she can’t hear herself think. 

He had said she looked pure but there is nothing pure about the way he makes her feel, not when she’s bent over begging to come. It takes hardly any time at all for him to give in and she feels her entire body seize as her cunt begins to throb.

She’s so relieved that she nearly starts crying but before she can even move, he is inside her, fucking her just as hard with his cock as he had with his mouth.

Kylo takes her on the bed, just as he had threatened, and everything around them is suddenly lit aflame. He is relentless but she feels almost completely at peace- like nothing could ever harm her, not even him – and so she simply basks in the sensation as he uses her willing body. 

He kisses a spot high on her neck as he comes and she can no longer remember why she ever thought to leave

\--

At some point before they drift off to sleep, she agrees to one more night.

\--

Rey wakes not in his ship, but in the cabin, and he is nowhere to be found.

He said he would stay.

_He had lied._

She tries to reach out for him, to invade his mind in the same thoughtless way he is quick to enter hers, but there is no finding him, no matter how hard she searches. 

Some part of her mourns his absence as though he has died while another plots already to strike him down the next time he seeks to use her. But she has been left before. She should have expected to be left again.

Rey takes off the nightgown and changes into the few clothes she has that aren’t tainted with the thought of him. She is herself again, at least she tries to be, and she readies herself for a routine that will at least allow her the luxury of sleep.

She is searching for her staff when she spots a pile left thoughtlessly on the table where he had taken her only hours ago. She picks it up like it might burn her. Given all he has done, it is not terribly foolish to think it might. 

**I will not be gone long. Know that I would not have left if I had no other choice.**

**Stay here until I return. Know that I will find you even if you disobey me.**

**You are mine. I will always be yours.**

**Stay safe.**

He has not signed the note but he has never been once for formalities. When she looks beneath the note, she sees he has left her his cowl and she runs her hands over the fabric as though it will somehow return him to her.

She brings the cloth to her nose, eager to capture what little of his scent remains, to breath in salt and sweat, and something falls to the floor with a clang.

Rey grabs it and a spark runs through her blood, her entire body thrumming with an energy that feels her own and entirely new. She had felt a shadow of this once, back on Starkiller Base with a weapon that never belonged to her, but the white crystal in her hand is powerful in a way that she cannot describe.

Kylo has left her the Kyber crystal and it calls out to her, demanding to be forged into something new and beautiful. Something that even he would never understand.

\--

He has done this for her.

She is his.


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He unties her and the feeling in her wrists slowly starts to return. There are marks already. If she’s lucky, they’ll fade before Master Luke has the chance to inspect them. 
> 
> “Did I hurt you?”
> 
> He takes her hands in his, looking at the damage he has created. It is not the most painful souvenir he has given her, but she has no desire to make any of this easier for him.
> 
> “No more than usual.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this, know that I am incredibly fond of you. I know that this update isn't particularly timely but I'm so happy to share this chapter with you. My "summer vacation" is coming up and I promise I'll continue writing just as often as I can. 
> 
> There are some of you who have been my constant companions during this and every other fic and I am so lucky to have such wonderful readers. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter and I can't wait to read your reactions. 
> 
> As always, bug me on tumblr (mygrandmathinksimsassy) for anything and everything.

Rey is on the Resistance base three weeks later. The saber burns in its sheath as some of the pilots rush to greet her and she does her best to act as she was before. She does anything that is asked of her and does her best to laugh when Poe dominates every mealtime conversation with his easy charm.

Finn is elsewhere, the ever-dutiful soldier leading the charge against the darkness, and though Rey feels his loss, it is a relief to avoid the inevitable onslaught of questions. She isn’t bruised like the last time, if anything she looks far stronger, but even she is not blind to the change in her demeanor.

She is harsher than she was before, too hard and too quick to anger. She would only disappoint the boy whose goodness never left, the boy who deserves everything she has thrown away.

But still she sits and listens as General Leia informs her of the atrocities she has had the luxury of ignoring. She absorbs every detail of the First Order’s work and wonders just how much of it made Kylo run from her bed.

There’s a bounty on him that would be more than enough to buy Jakku twelve times over. On her less forgiving days, she fantasizes about bringing the Resistance his head.

\-- 

She stays a week, six days longer than she had previously intended, but there is no shortage of work to be done. There are leagues of droids that need to be repaired and even if her hands will never truly be the same, there’s a certain pride that comes with healing instead of breaking.

There are deliberations, far too many, but she attends them nonetheless. It is agreed by all parties present that the Resistance can no longer wait for another act of the First Order’s aggression and she offers to start the hunt for Kylo Ren before the idea is even suggested.

Half of those present seem to sigh with relief, grateful never to leave the sanctuary the General has made for them. The other half spare each other knowing looks that Rey pretends to ignore.

\--

Master Luke asks to see her before she leaves. He has asked for so little since Ach-To and yet given so much. She had not thought to say goodbye, nor does she particularly want to, but it seems the good thing to do.

Master Luke lives a life controlled by his unwavering devotion to goodness. She is unsure whether it gives him strength or weakness. 

She carries her pack with her when she makes her way to his rooms thinking that he will surely try and convince her to stay. At least the appearance of a plan might keep his good intentions at bay.

Master Luke bows his head just as he always did when she enters and she nods without any hesitation before joining him in his meditation.

There is a connectedness in the quiet, one that she has missed since the Knights of Ren saw fit to destroy Ach-To. It is familiar but not quite pleasant, more a reminder of her ineptitude than anything else.

She cannot think of nothingness, only of the journey before her and the man she has volunteered to find. Even her thoughts betray her and she feels nothing but relief when Master Luke finally returns to the world.

He eyes the saber curiously and she offers it with nary a word. They have not spoken since she had abandoned his gift and while Finn will surely be a capable master, she detects disappointment in his eyes.

Master Luke ignites the blade and inspects it with a thoroughness that impresses even her. She does not need his approval but it gives her peace nonetheless when he rewards her with a smile.

“I was barely older than you when I made my own saber,” Master Luke tells her. The saber’s white light shines like a beam and she can almost see the boy that destroyed the Empire.

He extinguishes it and holds it out to her with a gentle nod. It scares her how quickly she snatches it back.

‘You’ve done very well,” Master Luke says. He sounds almost as a father would and it is easy to share his joy. “I know I was not always the teacher you wanted but you were an excellent student.”

He looks as though he wants to hug her. He settles instead for an almost timid arm on her shoulder.

“Although I must let you know that I’ve seen this crystal before,” he tells her. “Another student of mine tried and failed to use it. I would have thought he’d have had it destroyed.”

There is no denying who the student is and her back straightens before she can stop herself.

“I hear you’re joining the hunt for Kylo Ren,” Master Luke says, his voice trailing off as he takes in her discomfort. “Leia let me know this morning. She seemed to think I might not approve." 

“I’m doing it for the Resistance,” Rey insists, searching her mind for anything that might resemble the truth. “I’m doing what needs to be done. I’m doing only what it is asked of me.”

“I had heard you volunteered.” There is a warning tone in his voice, not quite the telling off she so richly deserves, but enough to make her scowl.

The quiet seems oppressive now and she can almost hear the chiding he barely conceals.

“I will not pretend to understand your mind,” Master Luke tells her. “And I am not arrogant enough to suggest a less… daunting path, not when I have made more than my fair share of my mistakes.”

“That’s kind of you,” she says under her breath and he smiles without any real humor. 

“I’m not trying to be kind,” he says. “I want you to be smart. You know that Jedi aren’t supposed to have attachments.

“You love General Leia,” Rey retorts and Master Luke spares her an almost amused smile.

“She is my blood,” he says matter-of-factly. “I could no sooner stop caring for her than I could stop breathing. But I’m sure you knew that is not that type of love I meant.”

He isn't scolding her but only just. 

“I’m not a Jedi,” she says as she gathers her things. She ignores his warnings, no matter how pointed they are. “I can take care of myself.”

He leaves her with another nod and she does her best to stay strong.

She flies to Coruscant before he has a chance to convince her to stay.

\--

Coruscant is like nothing she’s ever seen and she hates it beyond all reason. There is a pulse that vibrates through the city, the unflagging energy of those who see only a fraction of the dangers that surround them, and it is exhausting just to be out of doors.

The only good thing about Coruscant is just how easy it is to find what one is looking for. She has never been skilled at flirtation but her pale imitations of Poe seem to be more than effective. She smiles at the smugglers hiding in the darkest corners of the nearest cantina and pretends to be amazed when they boast of just how connected they are. 

Everybody seems to have a link, no matter how tenuous, to someone in the First Order and it takes only two or three drinks to coax the most intimate of details from the most unsure of each little rabble.

There are reports that Kylo Ren has hunkered down in a long-forgotten Imperial stronghold, reports that every tipsy informant echoes before trying to collect their prize. 

One of them, a boy with a face even younger than hers, slides his softened hand up her thigh and she nearly slices it off. It should be harder to get information after that but he seems to like the challenge.

He boasts about seeing Kylo Ren without his helmet, talking of the reptilian destroyed face that lurks beneath darkness and metal. The boy has no idea why she laughs so hard but it seems to please him more than her anger. 

He ends up giving her the exact coordinates along with an invitation to his hotel suite scribbled on a scrap of paper. Part of her admires his cheek but she refuses with a stony look, glaring at him until he disappears into the crowd.

She makes her way to the borrowed ship after that. She can no longer ignore the familiar sensation of Kylo creeping into her mind and her body feels alight as she makes her way to his refuge.

\--

She doesn’t ask for clearance, choosing to dock her ship on the nearly desolate landing pad. His ship is there, just as she remembers it, but it stands alone with only its master for company.

He might be the only soul here if her informants were accurate. The thought is far too exciting and she feels far too liberated by the promise of shared solitude.

The air is quiet in Mustafar and yet her blood hums with excitement. There is something familiar about it, something hot and languid like Jakku but she cannot place the source of her comfort. But lava is closer to sand than water or trees; it buries whatever it touches, leaving only the ghosts of those who could not survive.

He emerges from the shadows as she exits the ship. Kylo is just as he was the first time she saw him, a monster looming above the world in an impassive mask. He bows his head in a mockery of respect and she swears she can see the exasperation on his face. 

"You were supposed to wait for me." The helmet muffles his voice but even then she can hear no menace in it.

"You were supposed to come back,” Rey says in reply. Her tone is pointed but almost light as though he had merely been misplaced instead of utterly lost to her. 

"You’re here now… There is a stronghold here that I've grown quite fond of," Kylo says. “Come with me.”           

He does not take her hand but they walk side by side toward a structure that feels nothing like him. It is grand and imperious in way he never could be, magnificent in a way that is not tainted by his doubt. There are some things there that even she hasn’t seen before; machines that would ensure the rest of her days on Jakku were spent in relative luxury. There’s a burgeoning market for the wonders of the Old Republic and she mentally tabulates the worth of everything she can see. 

"It was Lord Vader's," he tells her as they walk inside and the outmoded tech suddenly makes sense.

Under very different circumstances, she’d spend a week tearing everything apart to salvage any rare artifacts, either for the Resistance’s benefit or her own. She is not as destitute as she once was, her thicker legs and waist are proof of that, but old habits linger and she thinks almost longingly of the portions that had kept her alive.

Under very different circumstances, she wouldn’t be there at all. She’d be stuck on Jakku, stuck dreaming of the shadow that looms so close instead of waiting to be claimed.

He stops almost suddenly before a door, holding his palm outstretched toward her with his visor aimed at her hips. 

"May I see it?” Kylo asks. “The crystal… I’d like to see what you’ve done with it.”

She hands the saber over with more ease than she had given it to Master Luke, her mind more at peace with the touch of a lover instead of a teacher. It falls into his palm and Kylo bows his head almost reverently before letting it unfurl. He holds it like it is the most sacred of things, touching it with a gentleness he has never spared her.

"It suits you," he says plainly although she hears the pride lurking in his tone. "It will serve you well."

“You sound just like your uncle,” Rey tells him but he either cannot hear her or he chooses to ignore it. He hands it back and she sheathes it once more before reaching for his hand.

His grip is tight and the door reveals his quarters. They are not quite as spartan as those they had shared on his ship, but they reek of the past in a way that feels just as eerily familiar as the steady lava flow.

The antechamber reminds her of Starkiller and she feels her shoulders tense accordingly. He reaches for her but she holds a hand to stop him, pushing him away until her discomfort eases.

"Take the mask off first,” she tells him. "I want to see you."

He sets the helmet down onto an altar and a cloud of black dust flitters in the air. He face is gaunter now, marred by shadow and ash, but it is the same face she has always known. He is not the monster who stole her away anymore, the destroyer of worlds. He is only a man.

She doesn’t smile but neither does he. He presses his forehead against hers and she feels almost whole again as they wrap themselves around one another.

“You should have come back for me,” she says quietly. “You said you were going to come back.”

“I know,” he murmurs against her neck. He mouths at the flesh and it takes all of her restraint to keep from yielding further. 

“I can’t live my whole life waiting for you,” she whispers. “I’m not a toy you get to fuck when you’re bored.”

Her words are harsh but she sounds anything but dangerous. 

"I had no choice but to leave," Kylo tells her and she snorts. "You only leave to spite me."

He kisses her forehead and it reminds her far too much of the condescending way Master Luke tried to reform her. All too often, he seems just as young and stupid as she is. Now is unfortunately not one of those times.

"Will you tell me why then?” Rey asks. “If you really had no choice, then I’m sure I’ll understand.”

It seems more than a fair question but things have never been truly fair between them.

"One day when I know you will believe me,” he says. "Until then I expect you to take my word.”

He leads her to the bed and it becomes very clear that the time for questions has ended.

\--

She shucks off her clothing without waiting for an invitation. It feels clinical, far less savage than all those times he has simply taken what is his, but she likes the way he watches her. His eyes widen in appreciation as she reveals the underthings she stole on Coruscant, and she does her best to hide her obvious delight at the way he gawks at the black lace of her underwear.

Kylo follows suit and she grins as his cock emerges, hard and already leaking. He lets her press him against the bed, straddling him between her thighs as she feasts upon his lips.

It is slow this time, decadent and luxurious, and she rediscovers each part of his body. His scars are more pronounced but so are the ridges of his stomach and she presses her mouth against each line.

He frees her breasts from their impractical bindings before sliding her underwear down her parted thighs. Each touch is soft and it is almost peaceful when she sinks down onto him.

For the first time in a long time, they are gentle with one another. For the first time in forever, they make love.

\-- 

"Slowly now," he says. "Take your time."

His hands are on her hips, guiding her downward, and nothing else matters. She groans as he bottoms out and it gets harder and harder to keep the pace.

"That's it," he tells her. "Keep riding me. I want to see you cumming on my cock.”

Her body has grown accustomed to him, has grown to crave him, and she can’t remember ever needing him so badly. She moves deliberately, savoring the stretch of her cunt around his cock as the world disappears all around them.

They kiss languidly, the only sound the motion of their bodies until suddenly it isn’t.

There’s a buzzing, faint at first and then insistent. It’s more annoying than anything else but it’s easy enough to put it out of mind until a shrill voice replaces the noise. 

“I will be landing shortly. I expect you will be there to greet me,” the voice barks and Rey’s skin begins to crawl. Kylo freezes and though he is still inside her, it is a pale imitation of the intimacy they had shared only moments before.

“Ignore it,” she whispers into his ear before biting his earlobe. She can feel her wetness staining her thighs, the pulse of her cunt warning of the pleasure soon to come. 

"It’s Hux,” Kylo says with a groan. His grip loosens and she freezes as he pulls away. “He’s the only one with a direct comm link.”

She expects him to follow her instructions, to at least give her the satisfaction of a climax before he remembers the world outside his bed, but apparently that is asking too much.

He lifts her off his cock without any explanation and she can feel her heart racing in her chest as she falls with a thud against the bed.

He slides on his trousers and boots with an urgency that makes her blood boil. His voice, which only minutes ago had been so tender, is utterly detached.

“I’ll be quick,” Kylo says as he works. “I need you to stay here.”

He is fully dressed almost immediately and he peers down his nose at her as she reaches for the underwear at the foot of the bed. It’s the finest pair she has ever worn, frivolous and impractical, and she feels almost embarrassed to have bothered wearing something purely for his benefit. 

“I’m coming with you. I can’t let him walk free,” Rey insists as Kylo snatches the black fabric from her hands. He shoves the underwear into his pocket and she lets out a squawk of displeasure.

Rey scoffs but he stands firm.

“Hux never travels with less than a dozen men. The Supreme Leader himself is the only reason he would even bother me at all,” Kylo snaps. “I have no intentions of starting a war just because you can’t resist a misguided temptation.”

“If you haven’t noticed, we’re already in a war,” she says through gritted teeth. She holds her hand out and he ignores it. “You’d be doing the galaxy a service if you just let me end it now.”

“ _No_ ,” Kylo says in a low voice. He grabs her saber from the end table and her heart freezes as he attaches it to his belt.

 He meets her eye and she does her best to hold his gaze, furious more at herself than him for leaving herself so vulnerable.

“You will give me back my saber,” Rey says slowly. “And you will let me kill General Hux.”

His face is so impassive that it might actually be working and so she tries again. Each word is deliberate and energy rattles through her bones.

“You will give me back my saber,” she repeats. “And you will let me kill General Hux.”

There is a pause and as he blinks, her heart begins to swell with triumph. His hand darts closer to her saber and her entire body is energized.

“Valiant effort,” he says, daring to smirk at her before he crosses his arms across his chest. “But no.” 

She lunges at him, getting in a few choice swipes before she is thrown back against the bed. It is the first time he has used the Force to subdue her and it is the violation of an agreement she thought they were both willing to uphold. 

He undoes the belt holding his cloak together but not before she throws him against the wall. Something hot and fierce runs through her and it dissolves any sentimentality like a knife. He tries to get up and she flings him back again, nearly laughing out of relief when she hears a thud.

She tries to summon her saber. It barely moves, whether because of disloyalty or her own ineptitude, and she resorts to the same shoddy techniques that had kept her alive on Jakku. She grabs whatever she can find on the bedside table and throws it at him before he comes toward her in a rage.

It is the strongest he has ever been, his anger filling him in a way hers never truly does. Kylo pins her down, relying primarily the Force but she only feels the unfeeling press of his hand. He yanks her hands over her head before looping them in his belt and tying them to the bed.

"I’m not an animal," she says, kicking him in the stomach. It sounds as though it hurts but he barely even winces. He’s clearly holding back and she responds only with greater anger. “Untie me now.”

“You’ll thank me for this later,” he says as he tightens the restraints. “You’ll be falling on your knees to beg forgiveness when you realized I saved your life.”

“The only thing I’m doing to you later is killing you,” she says, spitting on his face.

His eyes are nearly black and she lets out a stream of choice swears as his pale skin reddens either out of shame or neglect.

"Hux would have the entire First Order here in seconds if he knew you were here," he hisses. "Stop being self-righteous and stay quiet.”

 _“I hate you_ ,” Rey says. She knees him in the chest but he is unconcerned.

“Be grateful I’m not gagging you,” he says as he heads to the door. He slides his helmet on as the door shuts and her lover disappears.

\--

There is no doubt in her mind that she will be cutting off at least a limb when he returns but she has never been one to waste an opportunity and this is one too good to miss. She hears a ship landing, something massive and undeserved, the sort of ship that devours entire planets. She had been promised an army of eager devotees; she can only feel Hux standing at attention.

Rey strains her ears to hear their conversation but General Hux makes it almost easy.

“You’ve ignored all previous attempts at communication,” Hux says. “I can only assume that means you have been unsuccessful.”

His voice is loud but painfully restrained and without even laying eyes on him, Rey can see the anger on his face. He sounds just as she imagined he would, the devoted puppet General Leia had described in her detailed reports.

"I do as the Supreme Leader tells me," Kylo says. "It is my business, not yours, why I act."

"When the Resistance threatens our cause and you are nowhere to be found, it becomes my business,” Hux tells him.

"The Supreme Leader doubts your dedication," he says. "The girl was seen on the Resistance base after you were sent to Ach-To, and yet the men sent with you never returned."

She should be offended to not even be worth a name but she supposes anonymity is preferable than the scrutiny of a despot.

"They were foolish," Kylo says. "I do not share their frailties. I know how to wait."

 If she weren’t so angry, she’d laugh at the blatant lie.

"The Supreme Leader has been waiting for months," Hux sounds almost as exasperated as she feels. It is the first time since he landed on Mustafar that she has felt any sort of kinship with him. "I will be joining the hunt for her. You can no longer be trusted if you cannot produce results."

"There is a chance she could be swayed,” Kylo insists, his voice frantic even with the helmet’s self-imposed neutrality.

"There is a chance the Resistance comes to order," Hux says. Rey hears him snort and she wishes for nothing more than the use of her hands if only to claw his eyes out before turning on his companion. "I don't take risks, Ren. I don't take chances.”

Kylo says something further but it is muffled by the sound of her heart pounding in her ears. Hux is apparently satisfied and she hears his tepid agreement.

“If you don't kill her soon, I have good men who will... ones who aren't so easily distracted.”

 She hears nothing more but the sound of a transporter leaving the unholy grounds of Mustafar. Kylo lingers in the hall. She does her best to enter his mind but he blocks each intrusion before finally reentering the room.

\--

“Was he telling the truth?” Rey asks. She sounds impossibly naïve, just as dumb as he thinks she is, but it hardly matters now. “Have you been waiting to kill me this whole time?”

His silence speaks more than words ever could. The mask looks at her impassively and it burns her to the core.

 She laughs because there is nothing left to do. It has been her fault for being so naïve and it seems only right to deny him the satisfaction of her fear. She swears he almost looks surprised but her mind just might be playing tricks on her.

"Do you want me crying when you do it?" She asks. She spreads her legs and he looks away. "Or should I be gagging on your cock? I’m sure it’ll be more enjoyable that way.”

"You don’t know what you’re talking about,” the mask tells her. “I’m not going to kill you. I never was.”

 He tries to cup her chin and she bites his hand. He swears and she lunges for another strike. 

"Don’t lie to me,” Rey tells him. “You owe me that at least. You’ve been thinking about killing me for months now. Don’t act so innocent now that you got caught.”

There is a pause long enough to end the world. He gives a brief nod, so curt she nearly misses it, and she laughs again.

“Don’t worry, darling,” she snaps. “The Resistance sent me here to put you down. Maybe that will make serving your master a little easier.” 

“My life would be much easier if I did,” he barks. “Maybe if I killed you, you’d finally be out of my head.” 

She stares defiantly at him, refusing to give him the fear he feasts upon. 

“Go ahead,” she says. “Do it.”

He grabs her with no warning, choking her. His hand is tight around her neck and she doesn’t care at all that she can hardly breathe. In her dreams, he’s killed her a thousand times. This is just one time more.

He hesitates and she is almost disappointed. He lets her neck go and rips off one of his gloves before prying her lips apart with three of his fingers.

“Get them wet,” he commands. “Do as you’re told.”

She bites down but he only nudges them deeper until she’s gagging. It’s clear that he has no intentions of stopping and so she does exactly as he wants, following orders until she can taste the salt in the air. 

“I can do whatever I want to you,” he says. He paws at her breasts with a ferocity that is sure to leave marks and her nipples harden of their own accord.

She can barely hide her groan and his smugness radiates off of him like a sun. He spreads her legs as wide as they can be parted. He slides all three fingers into her cunt, stealing the wetness the still lingers, but he slides them out just as quickly. They disappear even lower and she can feel him prodding at her ass.

He’s thought about this before. She’s seen it, or at least glimpses of it, in his thoughts. He has never been one for subtleties but even after seeing all the ways he wants to consume her, she doesn’t feel prepared. She lets out a yelp but it is a protest he completely ignores as he slowly goes deeper.

“You’ll like it,” he tells her, sliding his finger in her ass. “You always do.”

He slides in slowly, taking his time, pretending to be gentle before doing just as he had promised. He does exactly as he wants.

Kylo curls his finger and she hates the way she whines, loathes herself even more than she thought possible for the way she gets wetter. It’s a new sensation, almost more intimate than the first time he fucked her, and what little restraint she has left goes to keep from making a sound as he adds another finger.

“Tell me you don’t want this,” he says. He meets her eye and she sees nothing but the mask. “Tell me you don’t want this and I’ll stop.”

“Fuck you,” she says through gritted teeth. 

“Come for me and then I might let you,” he tells her. He finds her clit with the meat of his other palm but he holds it completely still. She whines under her breath but he stands firm. Even his fingers still and so she gives in.

She rubs herself against his hand, rutting against him as he fucks her mercilessly with his fingers. Every time she arches, she can feel her wrists straining against his belt and she can’t stop arching her back no matter how hard she tries.

She refuses to say his name when she comes but it is little consolation. By the time her cunt stops pulsing. the pain in her wrists is too sharp to ignore.

\--

He unties her and the feeling in her wrists slowly starts to return. There are marks already. If she’s lucky, they’ll fade before Master Luke has the chance to inspect them. 

“Did I hurt you?”

He takes her hands in his, looking at the damage he has created. It is not the most painful souvenir he has given her, but she has no desire to make any of this easier for him.

“No more than usual.”

It is not the answer he wants but it is the only one she can give. 

He takes off the helmet and it falls with a clatter to the floor before he curls his body around hers. His clothes are drenched with sweat and his breathing is heavy against her back.

His lips find her cheek and they feel impossibly gentle. It is as much of an apology as she will ever get and she hurts with how desperately she needs it.

\--

He holds her in silence. The air reeks of their scent and she wavers between arousal and shame.

"I dreamed of you every night while I was away," he says. His voice is quiet and she feels as though she is intruding even if he is speaking freely. "Of us."

He speaks as though this is normal, as though he is simply a man and she a woman. They are lovers in another life, one where pleasantries are anything more than painful.

"We had a whole life together," he says, rubbing her stomach. “Just us and a child back on the island.”

She’s had the same vision too, has endured it nearly every night since he stole her away from D’Qar. The child, a boy, has his face but the eyes are the same ones she sees whenever she can bear to look at herself in the mirror. Rey feels a pang for something she’s never had and it disgusts her.

“Your dream wasn’t real,” she whispers and his hand freezes on her skin. “None of this is.”

“Of course it’s real,” he says. He holds her even tighter, his breath hot on her neck as he murmurs in her ear. “It will be one day. I’ve seen it.”

“It can’t be real when this all we have,” she says not unkindly. “I don’t want you lying to me anymore… It doesn’t suit you.”

“This is real,” he says. “It has always been real.”

He kisses her cheek and she pretends to believe him. He buries his face in the crook of her neck and she can feel him drink her in.

At some point, they both fall asleep.

\--

She inspects the entire premises while he is still sleeping. She has half a mind to wake him, to bask in what little time they have before he disappears, but he is too peaceful to be disturbed and so she puts on her armor once more.

Rey puts what little rations he has left in her pack along with anything else that isn’t secured down and small enough to hide in her pockets. The same idiots on Coruscant might have more to say about Hux and she doubts the promise of a quick fuck will get her anything worth passing along to those still on the base. Something Vader touched is worth at least twice what it really deserves. Unkar Plutt would be proud.

She loads up her ship and the temptation to leave right then grows stronger with each passing minute. It is a temptation that she ignores, no matter how enticing it seems, and she finds herself in Kylo’s chambers before she has time to reconsider her foolishness.

He is sitting on the bed, eyeing her with curiosity as she marches straight into the fresher with nary a word. She strips and he follows her, eyes wide like a child, but his silence rings just as loud as hers.

The water is hot and she should feel uncomfortable being subjected to his gaze but she’s hardly less vulnerable now than she was just hours before. At least she can hit him now if he falls out of line. 

He interrupts her when she adjusts the water temperature, his mind speaking in a voice that could almost be considered soft.

**I love you.**

She ignores him, rinsing the soap from her hair, but he sees fit to interrupt again. 

**I will always love you, Rey.**

A lump builds in her throat but years of solitude make it easy to swallow. She turns the water temperature even higher and imagines sinking into the lava flow, drowning and burning all at once.

**Rey?**

_I’ll fuck you again before I leave if you want. You don’t need to lie._

She snaps at him; it is far easier than listening and the anger from before warms her with a familiar glow.

**I mean it. I wouldn’t be so careless if I didn’t need you.**

He opens the fresher door, still wearing the same disguise he had greeted her in, and disappears with her under the spray. His clothes are soaking wet but he doesn’t seem to care.

“You don’t need to say it,” he says as he kneels before her. “I just thought you deserved to know.”

He wraps his arms around her and he’s never seemed so lost. She holds him tight and refuses to say it back, no matter how tempting the urge.

She unravels from his grasp but he can’t let her go just yet. Kylo kisses her mound almost reverently before feasting on her cunt, one hand tight on her hips as she rocks against his mouth. He probably can’t breathe from the way she’s pressed against him.

She doesn’t particularly care.

Kylo uses his other hand to free his cock, jerking himself off as he worships her. When she finally frees his mouth, she sees cum staining his clothing and her bones dissolve into nothingness. She kisses him, the first one they’ve shared since Hux nearly destroyed them and his mouth tastes just like her.

She doesn’t know how long they linger under the water. She knows only that they stay until it grows cold.

\-- 

Kylo kneads her back, his palms grazing against her ass with every downturn of his hands. She’s wearing one of his shirts and it hangs like the gown he had been so eager to give her the last time they shared a bed.

Her thighs stick together but the desire to cleanse herself is outweighed by the knowledge that he’ll only dirty her more. He likes her best when she reeks of him and so she stays wedged against him, drowning in his touch.

“What did you do with your present?” Kylo asks. “I was hoping I could see you wear it again.”

His touch is soothing, a restorative for her troubled mind, and she arches her back to feel even more of it.

 “I burned it after you left,” she says without any hesitation. It is a lie but it feels better than truth. His hands find her shoulders and she spares a passing glance to monitor the expected disappointment.

“Of course you did,” he says softly. His smirk is almost endearing, a change from his normal arrogance, and she settles comfortably back against the bed.

He works her back until she’s nearly melted into the sheets, boneless and compliant just as he wants.

“I will be leaving Mustafar at first light,” he says, so quiet that she almost misses it entirely. “The Supreme Leader showed his hand. He will be disappointed if I remain here.”

The steady pulse of his fingers turns into a caress but her ease disappears in moments. She sits on the edge of the bed, doing her best to ignore the way he watches for a reaction.

He crouches in front of her, his eyes locked on her until she is forced to raise her head. His eyes look almost kind now but it doesn’t make the sting go away. It hurts less than last time but a goodbye is a luxury she will never truly enjoy.

“You will be coming with me,” Kylo tells her. There is anxiety in his tone that he immediately sets about disguising. “ I can’t risk you being left to your own devices here. You’ll destroy it and scrap it for parts.”

He is giving her something she has never dared to hope but there is bitterness that lingers on her tongue.

“I can’t just abandon everything…” Rey protests but he shuts her down with a single glare.

“I gave you an order. I didn’t open up a negotiation,” Kylo says firmly. “You don’t want to be left behind anymore. I am doing only as you asked.”

He leans forward for a kiss, a reward for his basic decency, but she keeps still.

“I’m expected back at the Resistance base in two days,” Rey says, tracing a finger over his arm. “They’ll send a search party and I doubt they’ll be as accommodating as I am.”

If it came to blows and the Resistance came to Mustafar, she’d be forced to reflect on her sins. She’d make a choice and it would destroy her, regardless of the outcome. He knows this just as well as she does and yet he does not seem concerned for her soul. That should be the end of it, but it isn’t.

“Lucky for that’s where we’re going,” he says. “We’ll be taking your ship.”

Her neck nearly snaps from way she jerks back and he grins, all cockiness and self-importance, before stealing a kiss.

\--

 

The shock doesn’t leave her until they are nearly back at the base.

 

 

 


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m considering life as a private citizen,” he says. He puts his feet on the conference table and Rey swears she can see C-3PO malfunction right then and there. “I thought the Resistance might be able to facilitate the transition.”
> 
> “The Resistance isn’t keen on making deals with terrorists,” Finn says abruptly. His arms are crossed around his chest and he looks just about ready to say something equally as condemning but the General holds a hand out to silence him.
> 
> “You’re asking for something near impossible,” General Leia says. “Granting Snoke’s right hand immunity might be the stupidest thing I’ve ever been asked and I’ve been asked a lot of stupid things.”
> 
> She doesn’t use Kylo’s true name, the one she used to say in quiet reminiscing, but the exclusion of his new one feels deliberate rather than by circumstance. Her eyes, normally so kind, are hard as steel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still write fic! I know it has been a long, long time but blame law school!!
> 
> That being said, I'm so grateful for the opportunity to share more stories with you all and I hope you enjoy the return of regular updates :)
> 
> As always, bookmarks/kudos/follows are greatly appreciated. Comments will always be my most favorite thing. If you've already commented, know that your kind words and feedback make me feel so incredibly lucky. 
> 
> Bug me on tumblr-mygrandmathinksimsassy. Can't wait to hear your thoughts <3

They act on the ship as they did on the island, ignoring the galaxy outside their doorstep as they devour one another. They fall asleep in the same tiny bed and eat their meals at a table barely large enough for one. He’s never more than a few paces away and though steering is much more difficult with his not-so-subtle attempts to commandeer her attention, she doesn’t really mind the distraction. She calls into the Resistance base while he slides a hand down her pants and suddenly her two-day report date gets postponed for another ten days.

Rey kisses him whenever the urge strikes her and touches him just because she can. They get so little time for exploration and every bad decision that led to his presence on the ship becomes worth it when she discovers just how ticklish he is around the ribs. He pretends to be angry with her discovery and so she antagonizes him more, not stopping until each attempt at teasing ends with him holding her hands above her head and making her stop. 

On the third day, they stop on a planet barely in the Outer Rim for supplies. Kylo turns his head as she pawns off a pack full of the trinkets she had stolen from Mustafar, deliberately ignorant as she sells his inheritance piece by piece. Nobody questions why she has such a treasure trove, everyone in the Outer Rim is far too self-interested to care why a scavenger has anything of Vader’s, and it barely takes any time at all to make a handsome profit.

There’s enough for food beyond rations and in a pique of luxury, she buys them a hotel room for the night. They get drunk on something that she buys from a trader on the outskirts of the square, something that burns her throat on the way down, and watch the suns sink over the horizon from the balcony. The sky fills with streaks of red and violet just as Kylo sucks bruises onto her neck and her hand disappears into his trousers without sparing another thought. She tastes the bite of the alcohol on his tongue when he finally finds her mouth and when he bends her over the railing and slides into her, she screams just as loudly as he likes.

She barely has enough time to slip on a robe before the Dressllian manning the front threatens to kick them out for disturbing the other guests. It takes a swift transfer of coin and a lie about a honeymoon to appease him and he slams the door shut in her face with a harrumph. She laughs as she wobbles back and Kylo swoops in to grab her before she topples to the ground. He’s drunk enough to carry her to the bed and she’s more than drunk enough to let him so they tumble onto the sheets and consummate the union for a second time.

They are foolish but they are foolish together. It is far preferable to being foolish alone.

\--

It’s barely been a week but already he’s in the midst of growing a beard. His stubble is rough against her face and when she complains, he rubs his chin on every inch of her thighs before lashing her with his tongue. Rey wears her hair down more often than not and supplements her paltry wardrobe with his tunics. She had taken to wearing a spare uniform jacket in the ship, her body still unused to anything less than swelteringly hot, but she stashes it in the back of the closet in hopes of surviving Kylo’s desperate need to claim her every time he sees a flash of orange. They’d still be in Mustafar’s airspace if she kept it on and one of them needs to have some sort of sense if they’re to make it to the base. 

They draw closer to the Resistance and each day, she grows more nervous about what they will find waiting for them on the runway. If Kylo has a plan for life outside their living quarters, he has yet to mention it and she is desperate to preserve what little balance they have before it is shattered. It is easier to fuck and feel than plan and think and so she does just that until they are hours away from the base.

\--

She steers the ship even if there isn’t anything threatening the course she has chartered. It is simpler than seeking out reason and the rigidity of the captain’s chair is comforting in an imposing sort of way. Han's face, smiling and roguish, haunts her thoughts before she can stop herself and she wonders just what he'd think about her chosen bedmate.

He'd probably say she could do better. He'd be wrong about that.

Finally, Kylo emerges from the fresher with his face completely bare and her heart sinks. She hadn’t particularly liked the beard but she mourns its untimely end as she ties her hair back in a familiar motion. They are their old selves again, leaving only the ghosts of their interlude, and the feeling of something dying is hauntingly familiar.

“Have you thought this out?” Rey asks. “If you don’t want to be shot on sight, you should probably have a plan that goes beyond riding my coattails.”

She tilts her head back and he presses his lips against her hair before sitting down beside her. 

“I’ll give them whatever they want on Hux,” Kylo says. “He’s the face of the Order in nearly every system. If the Resistance takes him out, the Supreme Leader’s forces will implode without a single shot being fired.”

He leans back in the copilot’s seat, his long legs perched on top of the controls.

“Just Hux?” she says, her voice trailing off. “Nobody else?”

There’s no visual intel on Snoke and Kylo’s mental defenses haven’t wavered enough to leave Snoke lurking in the crevices of his mind. She doesn’t know if it is out of duty or self-preservation, she doesn’t really wish to know, even if her life would be much simpler with the enemy in sight.

“Just Hux,” he repeats with a note of finality that suggests any further conversation will be ignored. 

He rests his hand on her arm, squeezing it gently as she works, but that is as talkative as he gets.

“Are you worried about recognized?” she says. He snorts and she honestly had expected nothing less.

“I doubt some Resistance pilot with a death wish knows what I look like, let alone what that means to anyone in command, “ he says condescendingly. “I haven’t been in the Republic’s good graces since I was a teenager. I can assure you I have changed quite a bit.”

The urge to see him as he used to be, the boy so desperate to hide, is sudden and all-consuming in an almost benevolent way but she tries to put it out of mind as he kisses her shoulder.

He pulls her onto his lap with no resistance and they set about defiling the chair one last time. She gets the first glimpse of the Resistance base after she gets dressed, his cum staining her underwear as she sees green for the first time in weeks. There’s a sinking feeling in her stomach and she kisses Kylo once more in hopes of making it go away. It’s not a prelude to anything further, even he has enough sense not to try anything further just minutes after they’ve ravaged one another, but she makes it linger in a way that feels almost like a goodbye. 

She hears the roar of life as soon as they touch the ground. It feels as though minutes go by before she can start breathing again.

\--

“He’s a defector,” Rey tells the gathered crowd and it almost isn’t a lie. “From the Order.”

If Kylo glares at her, she pretends not to see it, but the lie works well enough for their welcoming party. Poe shakes Kylo’s hand with an almost dazzling smile on his face, clapping his back like they are the oldest of friends. Poe had been subjected to the wrath of Kylo Ren when she didn’t even know such demons existed, tortured and almost killed before Finn had saved them all. But her lover is as unrecognizable as he said he would be and she’d be pleased at his cunning if she weren’t so annoyed that he was right.

“Glad you got away from them,” Poe says. “What’s your name, friend?”

There’s a pause, one too long to blame on anxiety, but Poe persists in his pleasantries. He claps Kylo on the shoulder and she winces out of habit as he is forced to endure it.

“You don’t have to say a serial number here,” Poe says. “It’s ok if you don’t know what you want to be called yet.”

“There’s Imperial artifacts on the ship,” Rey says, interrupting before Kylo opens his stupid mouth and gives them both away. “You might want to take a look at them, see if there’s anything that might be of use.”

He nods his head and disappears into the ship’s cargo hold with a wary BB-8. Rey’s shoulders sag with relief but when Kylo reaches out to touch her arm, she pulls away with no hesitation whatsoever. There are too many eyes on them, friendly eyes but far too many nonetheless, and any hint at something more than a bond between refugee and rescuer will be immediately noticed.

The search is uneventful and they wait in near perfect silence for Poe’s crew to finish their scavenging; both of them unsure of how to act. It is quiet that is as routine as life on the base can be and she feels almost calm when Kylo helps unload the cargo hold on his volition lest he die of sheer frustration. Action is far easier than inaction and the approving look on Poe’s face makes her think that this might be simpler than expected.

That is until a familiar voice fills the air.

\--

“Anything good, Poe?” 

The General’s gait is noticeably slower than it was just weeks before but her voice is as clear as it ever was. Rey catches her eye and she smiles, not the luminous beam that Poe can’t help but wear, but something a sight more dignified.

“We found this,” Poe says, motioning to the heap Rey had pilfered from Mustafar. “It’s all pretty old but we can probably repurpose some things.” 

There’s a queer look on General Leia’s face, a haunted almost angry look, but she adjusts with an ease that suggests such trepidation is all too familiar.

“Destroy everything,” she says and although Poe looks taken aback, he remains the dutiful soldier and doesn’t think to question it. He calls out to those still left in the cargo hold and a dutiful BB-8 comes whirling out, chirping almost happily. 

“Come with me,” she says and Rey has no choice but to follow. They disappear just out of earshot and the General’s regal bearing adjusts.

“Where did you get all of that?” General Leia asks, her voice stern. “You aren’t in trouble but I don’t want any of it on the base. Not when we’re already under attack.”

“Mustafar,” Rey tells her. “It all belonged to…”

“I know exactly who it belonged to, Rey,” General Leia says, voice just hinting at condescension. “I’ve been along far longer than you have. Vader’s stench is recognizable to anyone who fought in the first war.” 

“I thought we could use it,” Rey insists. “I thought…”

“You thought wrong,” General Leia snaps and it would hurt if it weren’t for the comforting way she touches Rey’s shoulder in an almost immediate apology. “I know you wanted to help but…”

The rest of her words die on her tongue and Rey knows why without even seeing the source of her shock. The thud of Kylo’s steps is far too loud for her not to know exactly who he is and even with the scar cutting across his eye, even with years keeping them apart, Leia must see him with a mother’s eyes.

“Why is he here?” General Leia doesn’t quite sound angry but she’s not as wildly enthusiastic as she appeared in Rey’s more naïve daydreams. There’s fear in her voice, the one thing she had done her best to hide whenever Rey has heard her speak, but also longing; each tangible feeling all mixed together in something that can’t help but make Rey’s heart ache.

Rey cannot think of how to answer and so the General repeats the question.

“He wanted to come with me,” Rey says in attempt to subdue the situation but it isn’t quite the answer the General is looking for.

“Did he now? The General replies in a way that makes Rey feel even stupider than she already is. She is only confirming the General’s suspicions, identifying the master of each and every mark that stains her body, and it feels even worse than she imagined.

“He wouldn’t lie,” Rey admits although she doesn’t quite believe it. “Not about this.” 

The General lets herself stare at Kylo for a few moments more, studying him, and Rey can’t help but join her. They are hardly being subtle and it comes as no surprise when Kylo finally deigns to meet his mother’s eye. He nods curtly, as though controlled by some unseen puppeteer, but the General does not return the gesture.

“He’s your responsibility,” General Leia tells her, a frostiness heavy in her voice. “You brought him here. If he hurts anyone, there will be consequences. I hope I don’t need to spell them out.”

Rey responds with a nod and the General disappears from the hangar just as quickly as she came. It is only second later when her son takes her place, his body just barely brushing against hers as he stands at her side. 

“What did she want?” Kylo asks, speaking with an almost detached curiosity as he tries to play with her hair. “She didn’t shoot me on sight so I can only assume I’m being thrown a party.”

“We'll talk about it later. Not now,” Rey replies through gritted teeth and though his hand brushes against the back of her neck when she pulls away, he is smart enough to leave at that.

\--

But the uneasy peace General Leia had instigated can only last so long.

“Rey!!!!!”

Finn runs toward her with his arms outstretched, wrapping her in a truly excellent hug. He squeezes her tight, his body too joyful to be restrained by politeness, and she forgets just how nice it is to be near him, to be among friends. 

She is happy in a way that does not belong to her. It is someone else’s luck that she is stealing but it is nothing short of miraculous for everyone she loves to be safe and in her view.

He pulls away, smiling as brightly as the sun, before he notices the man looming on her left.

There is silence, so biting that even BB-8 seems to notice with a mournful whirl. They eye each other, Kylo staring at Finn with an arrogant dismissiveness that feels all too familiar before Finn punches him square in the jaw. The collision of Finn’s fist to bone rings through the air with a resounding crack and she hears the flurry of the crew running toward them with their gasps crowding the room.

Kylo doesn’t quite fall to the floor but he crumples in way that would frighten her if she weren’t too busy keeping Finn from punching him again. She is strong, but Finn has righteous rage on his side, and he nearly sneaks in another blow before Poe gets a hold of his shoulders. Poe tries to speak in a soothing voice, trying his best to calm him down, but Finn’s anger is absolute.

“Do you know who that is?” Finn calls out. He jerks his head towards Kylo and Rey glares as though he will understand her silent plea for tact. 

“Rey said he’s a defector from the Order,” Poe says, struggling to keep Finn from launching another assault. “Did you know him?”

“Know him?” Finn says incredulously. “That’s Kylo Ren. I know him pretty well.”

Any sympathy Kylo might have acquired in his brief time at the base disappears entirely and Poe’s grip goes slack. By some miracle, Finn chooses not to hit Kylo again and the gasps of surprise turn into almost angry murmurs.

Finn is ushered away with his throng of supporters, their eyes narrowed and their lips in the thinnest of lines, and she is left with the man who is only now just standing up. His anger throbs through them both but he settles from gripping her arm too tight when he finally stands upright. If it weren’t for his gloves, his nails would be drawing blood, but she is used to such biting affection.

“I told you that you’d be recognized,” she says lowly and he’s either too bitter or mollified to do anything more than scoff.

They are alone for what is likely to be the last time in ages so she allows herself the simple pleasure of touching his face. There is no bruising, not yet, but she kisses his jaw before she hears the steady thud of people coming to take him away.

She straightens herself and when the General's guards promise that no harm will come to Kylo Ren, she does her best to hide her relief. 

\--

It is decided without consulting her that Kylo will be kept in a holding cell for the meantime. Rey is allowed to return to her normal duties but she’s just as much of a captive as him. Everyone keeps patting her on the shoulder like she’s a particularly resourceful droid that’s found a missing screwdriver, speaking delicately like she’s a child that has no idea what she’s done and the urge to just turn and run again has never been so strong. She can leave Kylo to the wolves and go back to living the unexamined life she had once resented. She can disappear to places where the voices of others barely ring in her ears.

 But she stays, although she is unsure whether it is for her benefit or his. She consents to a mental and physical examination at the General’s request although she has no qualms in not responding to the more invasive questions with anything more than stony-faced silence. The temptation to be honest when the doctor asks about the bruises on her inner thighs is overwhelming, but she forces herself to only mentally reply with the truth. But she’s deemed sane and fit enough to return to work so she disappears to the cells just as soon as she’s allowed any breathing room.

\--

Kylo’s accommodations are nice enough but it is not in Kylo’s nature to see the beauty in anything less than what he desires. His arms are bound and Kylo paces like a caged beast, barely even stopping when she slides the viewing screen to reveal his obvious torment. 

She could open the door entirely, burrow her way into his keep, and linger with him until the Resistance decides the appropriate punishment. She doesn’t. 

“Are you here to let me out?” Kylo asks, voice heaped with something that she’d almost call boredom.

“No,” Rey says matter-of-factly and he swears. “If you had listened to me, you wouldn’t have been found out. Quiet meditation might do you a world of good.”

“You sound like my uncle,” he says dismissively and she can’t help but grin.

 “I’ll take it as a compliment,” she says and he sighs. 

“It wasn’t meant to be,” he says. He’s just on the other side of the door now and if it weren’t for the glass, their lips could touch.

“Do I get a conjugal visit at least?” Kylo says smugly. “I’m sure your General wouldn’t deny me some creature comforts while I'm kept under lock and key.”

“You’re under round the clock surveillance,” Rey replies. “I’m not fucking you in full view of everyone on the base.” 

“Why not?” He taunts. “Worried you might enjoy it?”

She starts to shut the screen and he grins just to spite her, his fangs bared.

“Is that a yes?” Kylo asks.

She rewarded his impertinence with the rudest gesture she can imagine. He laughs and she turns away before he can detect her embarrassment.

\-- 

She tries to sleep, to bask in the luxury of a bed where she has more than enough room to stretch her limbs. But each time she shuts her eyes, she can’t ignore the throbbing between her legs, the treacherous hum of a body that has grown used to being fucked and being fucked well. 

Before the island, before he ruined her, her fantasies were not nearly as depraved. She would imagine a bed, a world where the Force had not decided their fates for them, and words of adoration coming from his grateful lips as they made love face to face.

Instead she slides her hand into her underwear and thinks about their pit stop at a rundown cantina just three days ago. There’s still a bruise on her shin from ramming it against the fresher counter but her heart still races from the memory of his face as he came and the way he yanked her hair back and forced her to watch them both in the mirror. 

Her fingers are not nearly as thrilling as his cock but all the nights of solitary practice have left her more than capable. A perfunctory climax is just barely out of her grasp when he thrusts his way inside her.

**Are you touching yourself?**

She slams her eyes shut and his curiosity piques. 

 _No_  

He is well aware that she is lying and his amusement turns into something far more heated, something languid and depraved.

**Let me watch.**

It’s more of a command than a request but she feels her own desire mirrored in every word.

_Only if you don’t talk._

For once, he does as she asks and responds with nothing but a surge of want flooding through their link. 

So she makes a show of it, staring at the body he has all but destroyed. She caresses her breasts and thighs in a way she never would without his intrusion, lingering over marked skin before she pulls off her underwear entirely. Her fingers start off slow until she can no longer take it and by the time she comes, the only sound she hears is the heavy pulse of his breath.

Rey falls asleep soon after. For once, she doesn’t dream.

\-- 

The next morning is decidedly less routine.

Rey installs herself as part of Kylo’s guard. But while she tries to disappear into the horde of orange and green, Kylo stares at her long past the point of politeness. She does her best to act as though he doesn’t know what her cunt tastes like, ignoring the routine surveillance of people more loyal than she ever was. Her body aches as though she is dying and even being three places from him at the General’s table feels like some well-deserved purgatory before he finally breaks the frosty silence his mother imposes.

His hands remain bound as the meeting begins. If the Resistance were smarter, they would do the same to his mouth.

\--

“I’m considering life as a private citizen,” he says. He puts his feet on the conference table and Rey swears she can see C-3PO malfunction right then and there. “I thought the Resistance might be able to facilitate the transition.”

“The Resistance isn’t keen on making deals with terrorists,” Finn says abruptly. His arms are crossed around his chest and he looks just about ready to say something equally as condemning but the General holds a hand out to silence him.

“You’re asking for something near impossible,” General Leia says. “Granting Snoke’s right hand immunity might be the stupidest thing I’ve ever been asked and I’ve been asked a lot of stupid things.”

She doesn’t use Kylo’s true name, the one she used to say in quiet reminiscing, but the exclusion of his new one feels deliberate rather than by circumstance. Her eyes, normally so kind, are hard as steel, and she glares across the table at her son.

“The First Order is stronger than it has been in years,” Kylo says, speaking in a deliberate, haughty way. “You’re going to need every bit of help you can get if you want something more a stalemate.”

“And what is your part in all of this?” Finn asks. “The Republic wants justice for everything you’ve done. The entire galaxy does after everything the First Order has done.”

“Say you killed me for all I care,” he snarls. “Tell every bottom feeder in the galaxy that you brought down Kylo Ren singlehandedly with the power of compassion. I don’t care what you say so long as I’m still alive to hear it.” 

Finn’s ears nearly smoke and Poe looks as though he’s about to follow Finn’s example and strike the insolence from Kylo’s face. Much to his credit, he is able to refrain and the earlier silence fills the air for far too long.

“I’ll give you Hux’s coordinates right now,” Kylo adds. His voice almost cracks and there is discomfort in his barely concealed desperation. “I’ll even kill him for you if you want to keep your hands clean. He has no idea that I’m here. It would be done in a matter of days.“

“We’ve had good people in the First Order’s ranks for months. All I need to do is send out a signal and I’ll have a visual on Hux and a sniper aiming at his head.” General Leia says. “We’re not some podunk operation that needs all the help we can get. I’ve been winning wars since before you were even born and I don’t plan on losing any in the future.” 

She refuses to look her son in the eye and Rey has never heard her quite so angry. The words that had sounded so arrogant coming from Kylo sound downright poisonous coming from the General’s lips. 

“If you want our help, I’m going to need something more than that ” General Leia continues. “If you’re expecting any sort of clemency, you give us something we actually want.”

“Then tell me,” Kylo retorts. “What can I give that isn’t provided by one of your ‘good people?” You already have one traitor, I don’t see how a second is going to be of much use.” 

Finn tries to meet Rey’s eye but the control panels are suddenly so compelling.

“We need Snoke,” General Leia says, speaking like he is actually the child she remembers. “We need the war to end, not just be put on hold until another rises through the ranks. If you can give us his location, anything that might help bring him down, than maybe you’ll have something to bargain with.”

Kylo lets the request fester, savoring it the same cruel way he basks in anything worth celebrating. He stares at his mother and she stares at him. Kylo doesn’t quite have his mother’s eyes but Rey can’t deny the near identical fortitude that radiates from both. 

“If I do this,” Kylo says. “I expect certain conditions will be met.” 

His stare is hot on the side of her face and Rey returns to glaring at the cool metal of the table.

“Give us what you have on Hux first,” General Leia says. “If your intel is worth anything more than ours, maybe then you can start making requests.” 

Kylo recites Hux’s coordinates with no trace of emotion, repeating them three times, as Poe scribbles them down. He raises his eyebrows in silent expectation afterwards, awaiting the thanks he believes to have earned, but The General storms out of the room with C-3PO and Finn hot on her heels.

There's the faint buzz of a comm link and the guards take Kylo from his seat but when Rey stands to accompany them, she is told that her services will no longer be required. She lets Kylo leave without sparing him a word, her face rigid as he uses the link to tell her what she still refuses to say 

When she tries to visit his cell later that evening, her key card is refused entry.

\--

He finds her in the night, waking her up with the slide of the door. She sits upright, propped against the pillows that still feel like stones.

“How’d you get out?”

“I had a visitor after dinner. She took pity after I told her where my saber was hidden on the ship,” Kylo tells her. There is no denying who _she_ is and he sounds too bitter for it to be a lie. “I’m told it gets destroyed if I step out of line. She seemed rather eager at the prospect.” 

He sits on the edge of the bed and he yanks off his boots with a thud. His shirt follows soon after and she holds her arms out to him like a child yearning for adoration.

“Come here,” Rey says, voice still heavy with sleep. She lies on her back and he wraps his arms around her. She is soothed in a way she hasn’t been since they arrived and in the darkness, she can almost pretend they are back on the ship in the middle of nowhere. 

“I don't like being kept away from you,” he says and she hums her agreement against his crown. He lifts his head upward and they kiss once before she yawns.

“Make sure you’re out of here by morning,” she murmurs before falling back asleep.

 She's far too tired to hear his reply.

\-- 

She wakes with the blare of daylight in her eyes, weighed down by a familiar mop of black. Kylo’s limbs are sprawled without any finesse, one hand tucked under her shirt like it was deliberately placed. His eyes are closed but the lack of snoring gives him away and so she jostles him until he resigns to fully waking up.

“Get out,” she tells him. He yawns, far louder than strictly necessary, and wraps himself even tighter around her.

“That’s not what you usually say when I’m in your bed,” he says smugly. He tries to kiss her but she pulls away lest he get too comfortable.

“I mean it,” Rey says. “There’s a lot to do and none of it involves staying in bed.” 

“I didn’t realize you were kept on such a tight leash,” Kylo says. The hand in her shirt finds its way to her breast while the other dips into her underwear. He sucks hard on her neck but she pulls him off by the hair and forces him to meet her eye.

“No more marks," she says. "Not while we're still here. I don't want people gawking at me."

"I can just leave them where only I can see," he says. “That doesn’t mean I have to stop.” He lifts up her shirt and rolls her nipple between his fingers until it hardens. Kylo smirks but she holds firm.

"It means what I say it means… I don’t want people finding out," she tells him, deliberately ignoring the finger nudged against clit. His face falls almost imperceptibly and she softens as he unwinds himself from her embrace. Rey strokes his hair, more tenderly than he deserves for being so insubordinate, but his hand slides off of her breast and he retreats within himself. There’s a hot bitter feeling pooling in his stomach and she misses his arrogance despite her better judgment.

She had assumed this, whatever it was, would be kept between them until the war was over. Or until she died, whatever came first. All the worlds she’s seen and she can’t imagine one where they are allowed to keep one another but it doesn’t seem quite wrong to pretend, at least for his sake.

“Just not yet,” she says quietly, answering something he never bothered to ask. Some of the tension in his shoulders fades and the mask of easy confidence falls on his face once more.

“Can I stay then?” Kylo asks with his eyebrows raised. He starts to rub her clit again and she lets out a pleased sort of hum. “Just for twenty minutes.”

“Ten, “ she says, punctuating the compromise with a yawn. He looks like he is about to argue but she shoots him a preemptory glare and so he just nods his head. “But you need to make yourself useful.” 

She stretches her arms overhead before nudging his head lower. They know each other too well for him not to get the hint and barely seconds pass before her underwear is yanked down and his face is buried between her legs.

He doesn't drag it out like he normally does. Instead he eats her out with an almost technical precision, licking at a steady pace until she silently begs to be filled with every raise of her hips.  Two of his fingers are in her cunt, enough to tempt her but not enough to satisfy, and soon she's swearing under her breath as she rocks herself on them. Kylo sucks on her clit and she nearly breaks his nose with the way she jerks upward but he is undeterred until her thighs begin to tremble.

He kisses the top of her mound before meeting her eye. His pupils are wide and she's already damned herself  so she nods her head just once. He shucks off his pants, moving with a grace she had never quite been able to muster as he covers her body with his. It is almost peaceful when he enters her, his cock sliding into her with a practiced ease that terrifies and delights her, and her blood starts to sing.

She wraps her arms around him, drawing him closer as he thrusts at a steady pace. It’s not quite fucking but she’d be remiss to say that he is making love to her when her nails nearly pierce through his skin. It’s some sort of in-between thing, comforting but not mundane, even if she can recognize his impending climax from the way he starts to groan. So instead she holds him tighter, lifting her hips so he can go even deeper and whispering just how good it feels each time his ear brushes past her lips.

Kylo finds her mouth as he comes and they kiss with the taste of her cunt on his lips. He collapses and she runs a hand up and down his back, acutely aware of each and every breath. They linger far beyond his allotted ten minutes and her body threatens to fade into sleep’s embrace once more with the heat of his body wrapped around her and his heart beating against her chest.

She’s about to do just that, to give into him like she always does, when she hears a knock on the door.

\-- 

Rey springs up like she’s being attacked, searching frantically for the underwear that’s been hidden underneath the sheets and almost knocking Kylo entirely off the bed.

“One minute,” Rey calls. She can’t find the underwear but she finds her pants from where she left them on the floor, sliding them on as quickly as possible before turning to where Kylo is still melted against the sheets.  

“Fresher,” she says, pointing a finger to the adjoining room. “ _Now_.” 

“Just tell them to leave,” Kylo grumbles but she yanks his arm until he’s nearly sitting up.

“I will do no such thing,” she hisses. “If you don’t get up right now, I will make sure you stay in the holding cell for the rest of your life.”

She grips his arm even tighter and while he looks rather put out, he doesn’t put up the same fight she had in Mustafar. He gets dressed at an almost reasonable pace while she inspects herself in the mirror. There aren’t any marks, at least not any she can see, but she leaves her hair down just in case.

He slams the fresher door behind him and she allows herself a moment to wince before straightening the bed. The room looks more presentable than she does and so she opens the door and faces a sheepish looking Finn 

\--

“Can we talk?” Finn asks and she can’t do anything more than nod her head.

“Yeah,” she says, holding the door and praying that the he can’t smell the stench of sex wafting through the room.

“I feel like I’ve barely seen you since you came back,” he says. He touches her shoulder almost warily, hesitant about her reaction. 

“I’ve been busy,” she says. It’s a poor excuse at best. Everyone is busy, that’s what happens in a war, but the half-truth does its job and he seems more at ease. 

“I can only imagine,” Finn tells her. “You had to spend the past week with Ren. I think even Master Luke would go a little crazy having to deal with him for that long.”

“It could have been worse,” Rey says, shrugging her shoulders. “At least he went willingly… He wanted to be here.” 

“Still,” Finn says, almost relentlessly cheerful. “I’m not going to apologize for punching him.

“You don’t need to,” she says, easily sharing his smile. “He deserves it.” 

Rey speaks louder than strictly necessary, her words hopefully permeating the metal of the fresher door, and Finn smiles like all suspicion is gone.

“Glad you still think so,” he says. “But you didn’t say anything yesterday. I couldn't tell if you thought he was being genuine when he said he wanted to help the Resistance." 

She doesn’t answer immediately. If she’s being perfectly honest, she wakes every morning with the fear that everything has been a lie, but the time to confide in Finn ends as soon as the fresher door swings open.

Finn jerks his head with a start and the urge to claw her skin off has never been so strong when he realizes just exactly who has been trapped inside.

\--

Kylo emerges without his shirt, his pale chest illuminating her shame. He stretches before putting the shirt on, twisting his torso just enough to expose her nail marks on his back until he finally puts on some fucking clothes.

“I can tell you if you like,” Kylo says, his eyes wide in a mocking display of sincerity. “Maybe I can help sort things out.”

He wipes his chin on his sleeve in a long, languid motion, and Rey almost kills him right there. She glares at him but he smirks as though he has done nothing wrong. 

“Sorry,” he says without any contriteness. “It was still a little wet.”

“Go.” Her voice is so deep that she hardly recognizes the sound. She points at the door but Kylo takes his time in complying.

He reaches for his pocket and pulls out something unmistakably intimate and undoubtedly hers. He strides over to them both, the white fabric of her underwear bright against his palm as he stuffs it happily into her pocket, slowly so there is no doubt as to what he is doing. He leans into kiss her forehead, touching her cheek with obvious tenderness, but she steps on his foot as hard as she can with her ears almost filled with smoke. 

If she’s done any damage, Kylo’s face doesn’t give it away, and he waves almost cheerfully as he slams the door behind Finn. He stops short of blowing a kiss but she’s never wanted to disappear more. 

The silence that fills her room afterward is deafening.

\--

“You slept with him?”

Finn’s voice is oddly calm, steady and neutral in a way that is more frightening than his disappointment. She nods, just once, but his neutrality lingers. 

“Did he force you?” Finn asks. “If he’s threatened you, I will go outside right now and kill him. I don’t care if anyone sees. I don’t care if he’s General Leia’s son, I will kill him if he's hurt you." 

“He hasn’t forced me, Finn,” Rey says, sounding not quite as shamed as she feels. He doesn’t look quite sure but she holds firm lest he scalp Kylo right then and there. “I promise… I wanted him to do it.”

“Ok,” Finn says, holding up a hand lest she disgust him even further. He draws in a deep breath and his mercy turns into glaring concern. His eyes are wide and his entire posture changes. “What the hell then?”

“It’s not what you think,” Rey insists although she can’t blame him for looking incredulous.

“It doesn’t matter what I think about it,” Finn says, essentially just yelling. “It matters what is going on and what is going on is absolutely bad. What is actually going on might end up with you beeing forced  to give birth to an actual monster child.”

“There’s no chance of that,” Rey says. She touches the raised skin of her arm, more out of self-preservation than anything else. “I’m not being stupid about it.”

This is apparently not the reassurance Finn was looking for. She doesn't realize that until it is too late.

“I’m pretty sure boning the asshole who killed his own dad right in front of us makes it stupid,” Finn says. His voice is elevated and his eyes are wide but his adherence to Master Luke’s teachings soon becomes apparent. He closes his eyes and clears his mind, breathing deeply as he regains the serenity that always escaped her.

She stares at the ground in hopes it swallows her whole but it seems that is a wish for a luckier being. The only sound is Finn’s breathing and soon something rushed becomes calm and cold.

“He’s a murderer,” Finn says, breaking the silence at last. His eyes are steely and it is the hardest he has ever seemed, unforgiving and cold in a way that makes him seem like a stranger. 

“So am I,” Rey says sharply. “So are you. All of us here. Everyone on this base has blood on their hands. Everyone here has shown they are willing to kill billions without a moment’s hesitation.” 

“He’s not killing to defend himself,” Finn retorts. “He’s killing for sport. I’ve seen him destroy entire villages just because he didn’t get his way. I’ve seen him torture innocent people just because he can.”

Finn runs a hand over his forehead, gripping his hair like his scalp is in danger of falling off. 

“He tried to kill me. He almost did, “he says. “If Chewie hadn’t got us off of Starkiller when he did, I would have died.”

“I know,” she says quietly. “Trust me, Finn, I know how bad it seems…”

“I saw what he did to you. He was going to kill you,” Finn interrupts, nearly shouting again.

“No he wasn’t,” she insists but the sort of truth is met with obvious disbelief. “He was the one who killed the Knights of Ren on Ach-To. He saved me from drowning.”

“That doesn’t make all the terrible things just go away,” Finn says, rubbing his forehead in exasperation. “Kidnapping isn’t the grand romantic gesture you’re making it out to be. We looked for you everywhere after Ach-To. I spent weeks making sure you weren’t dead in some field when you ran away after you got back and it turns out I should have just looked in Kylo Ren’s bed.”

“I never asked you to find me,” Rey shouts. Her voice is almost as loud as his and he takes a step back. “I know how to survive. I’ve been on my own before…”

“But you’re not anymore,” Finn says. “You have people that depend on you, people that care if you’re safe or hurt. You can’t just go off and do anything you want. You’re the one who told me that.”

The air is cold and when she tries to touch his arm, he flinches.

“I’ll be going with him if he’s ever allowed to leave. None of this will matter then and you won't have to look for me any more,” she says after a moment. “But please don’t let anyone know, not until I can't come back.”

Rey sounds just as desperate as she feels and the sensation crawls up her skin like her parasite. Despite the weeks in Kylo’s presence, she is not quite used to begging and something catches in her throat.

Finn nods without meeting her eye, his mouth frozen in a line. The urge to hug him is overwhelming but she simply watches as he leaves the room without another word.

\--

She believes Finn will keep his promise, no matter how angry he is, but her luck runs out far sooner than she had expected.

The base is far smaller than she could have ever imagined and by the time she hides all traces of Kylo’s touch and finds the mess hall, there is no denying that something has changed. 

Whispers fall silent as soon as she walks into any room. Nobody dares to tell her why but it is easy enough to guess. Everyone stares at her like she will go off at any moment and beings who once smiled when she passed now silently glare as she wanders even further into the unknown.

\--

The voices will not confirm the rumors that flit about the halls but there is no need.

Whatever she has with Kylo is real now. There’s no hiding just how far she’s fallen.

 


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From what Rey can tell, the entire Resistance now knows exactly what happened on the island. And on Kylo's ship. And every flat surface from here to Mustafar.
> 
> She used to be untouchable. Now she’s just a slut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is ridiculously long and I'm so happy to finally share it with you all. I know my updates are not as frequent as many of you would like (and to be fair, I would like to do nothing more than write fic) but I hope it is worth the wait. 
> 
> Let me know what you think. I appreciate any and all feedback. Bug me on tumblr-mygrandmathinksimsassy. I respond to pretty much everything ;)
> 
> Enjoy!

The only thing keeping Kylo alive is the fact that she hasn’t decided just how to kill him.

That and the fact that nobody will tell her where he’s being held.

\--

Nobody quite tells her just how exactly the news came out but she’s smart enough to put together the pieces from the posse of terrified looking radar techs she finds gossiping in the corner. They’re not particularly eager to talk to her but they seem far too terrified to tell her anything but the truth.

It becomes clear that if General Leia made a bargain with her son, then it was one that she never shared with the guards that had been posted outside his cell. While Rey was cumming on Kylo’s tongue and begging for his cock, the entire base had been on high alert with soldiers searching for the man responsible for the deaths of their friends.  It’s a testament to their efficiency that they found him just as soon as he left her room. She likes to think that it was mere coincidence that they were posted so close but nothing about her life is accidental anymore.

From what she can tell, he started talking before he even hit the floor. From what she can tell, the entire Resistance now knows exactly what happened on the island. And on his ship. And every flat surface from here to Mustafar.

She used to be untouchable. Now she’s just a slut.

For the most part, nobody is outwardly hostile but she’s lost the bubble of decorum that had come from her time with Master Luke. Smiles and nods from passersby are now harried attempts to look away and by the time she’s reached the hangar, she can’t see anything but Kylo’s head on a spike.

One of the more obnoxious pilots asks if she’d like to fuck a real man and winks like he has the right. He leers and she summons a wrench toward his head before she has time to think twice. It sails toward him like a blaster bolt and she waits for the satisfying thud of metal on flesh.

Unfortunately for her, he dodges the blow. Unfortunately for him, Poe is close enough that her poor aim hardly matters.

After that, nobody dares to say anything but she’s too enraged to enjoy the silence.

 --

The General invites her to dinner that evening. It is the first time in a long time that Rey hasn’t felt hungry.

The guards posted at the General’s door don’t return her nods when she forces herself to the door but she can’t blame them for their frostiness. She wasn’t the only one who lied to them but she’s not the one who’ll transfer them to the front lines if they dare to question her decisions.

\--

The General’s quarters have the same gray walls as every other living unit on the base but years of battle experience do seem to allow for some creature comforts. Her table is festooned with a lace tablecloth and there are flowers in a violent orange tucked in a vase on the windowsill. The General’s jacket is draped over the back of her chair and there is enough bread to feed an entire squadron heaped on a fine-looking plate.

Rey sits in one of the chairs opposite the General and tucks a roll into her pocket, more out of habit than any genuine hunger, before starting in on the food.  She barely tastes anything but she’s never regretted having a full belly and so she forces herself to eat as the older woman leaves her food untouched.

The chair at her left remains empty but there is no doubt as to who the next guest will be.

“Do you want anything to drink?” General Leia asks. She is calmer than Rey had expected, her voice almost warm, but even the promise of familiarity seems suspicious.

“I’m fine,” Rey replies. “Thank you.”

She crams most of another roll into her mouth and chews. It’s easier than talking but General Leia was never one to let matters die.

“Suit yourself,” she says, her lips ghosting at a smile. “But C-3PO makes a truly stellar cup of tea.”

The General takes a few leisurely sips from a standard issue mug and Rey taps her foot up and down. Her knee brushes against the edge of the table and her patience wears thin as the General spends what feels like an hour draining the rest of her tea.

“Where is he?” Rey asks when she can stand it no longer. “Where is he hiding?”

She’s practically snarling but the General hardly seems to notice. She sets the cup on the table with an almost gentle exasperation and sighs.

“He’s safe and sound,” the General says. “I thought it best to keep an eye on him myself given recent events. You and I both know he can’t follow orders... My life would have been much easier if he could.”

Rey waits in silence for the rest of the lecture but it never seems to come. Instead, she eats until her stomach starts to ache and ignores the way the General keeps staring. When Rey finally meets her eye, her lips curl up in a knowing smile.

“You know we didn’t have anything on Hux before the two of you came back to the Resistance base,” the General begins. “We’ve saved millions of lives already just by knowing where to hide and it’s all thanks to you bringing him back.”

“ _He’s_ the one that told you,” Rey says, her mouth still full. “You should tell everyone what he’s done if you’re so grateful.”

“It would go to his head,” Leia says, her voice filled with an almost maternal exasperation. “He’d start asking for more than I can give him. And I can’t give Ben much of anything anymore.”

The use of Kylo’s true name, familiar yet so distant, stings. The General’s fingers clack against the table and Rey swallows the lump in her throat.

“He came here to help,” Rey says. “Let him help now that you’ve got him here...”

“He came here for you,” the General corrects. “You both made that very clear this morning when he left your room.”

Her nails rap against the table once more and Rey winces. Her anger fades into shame and her body shrinks towards the floor.

“It was a mistake. It won’t happen again…” Rey insists but her words fall upon deaf ears.

“You’re not as good of a liar as you think you are,” the General says. “Luke and I figured it out when you kept disappearing.”

She takes another sip of tea and Rey’s eyes fall to her hands. There is dirt still wedged underneath her fingernails and she’s never felt so unclean.

“I’m sorry,” Rey says quietly. She doesn’t bother to look up and she can feel heat radiating in her cheeks.

“I don’t need an apology,” Leia tells her. “You don’t need to apologize for loving my son.”

She’s about to rush to her own defense, to insist that love is far too strong a word for whatever she feels for Kylo, but there is no time for such a meager excuse.

A door opens, not the one she used but one connected to the General’s chambers, and Kylo enters the room. He’s not in his standard uniform and the shock of seeing him in a color than black is enough to make her eyes widen.  She can see too much of his wrists and ankles but the clothes are broad enough in the shoulders to suggest these were not just borrowed from a hapless guard, that they had been kept waiting for their master for what must have been long and futile years. The blue of the shirt suits him; it makes him seem a little less dead, but Rey would never tell him that.

It would go to his head.

“How nice of you to finally join us,” General Leia says as he sits down.

Kylo mutters something under his breath although he stops when the General raises an eyebrow from across the table. He slumps in his chair and he’s never seemed younger.

General Leia dishes food onto his plate but he doesn’t do anything more than pick at it.

He never eats when he’s agitated. He must have inherited that quirk from his mother.

The room is silent as they all pretend to enjoy the meal and yet Rey feels as though she is being excluded from the conversation entirely.  Every few minutes, General Leia will sigh or Kylo will fiddle with the utensils and she sinks deeper and deeper to the ground.

Kylo tries to reach for her hand under the table but she snatches it away every time he gets too close, moving as though even the smallest touch will burn her skin clean off the bone.

The General offers dessert but nobody seems to be hungry. Instead, she clears her throat and the circle widens just a bit.

“You both can stay as long as you like,” General Leia says. “There is always room for people willing to help. We can keep you hidden for as long as you need.”

“There is no need,” Kylo replies curtly and the General's face falls just a bit. “We’ll be leaving tonight.”

Kylo turns his head toward her but suddenly the table cloth becomes a point of fascination.

“I won’t try and stop you then,” the General says with a sigh. “You both are a little too stubborn to start listening to sense now.”

The General stands from her seat and Rey immediately follows suit, her shoulders stiff and at attention. Kylo takes his time, moving leisurely as if a need to hurry never existed, and the urge to slap him increases even more.

That should be it. The General should disappear into the wilds of the control room and they should fade into the nothingness of space but they are delayed for but a moment more.

The General reaches forward and cups Kylo’s jaw. He allows her the opportunity, standing still as she inspects every inch of the boy she had sent away and Rey is once again the unwelcome intruder.

“Be safe,” General Leia says quietly and he nods his head just once in reply.

“There’s no need to be melodramatic,” he mutters and the General smiles in a way that makes her look years younger.

“You sound just like your father, Ben,” the General tells him and Kylo winces. “He’d tell me the exact same thing when I said goodbye.”

She doesn’t linger after that and even Rey has the manners to know their time together is quickly coming to an end.

\--

They wait until the base has gone to sleep before making their exit.  She hasn’t spoken to Kylo since the morning but that hasn’t kept him from following her as she packs. He watches like a ghost as she strips her shelter bare of any familiarity and when he tries to grab her ruck sack, to ease the load in any way he can, she yanks it even higher on her shoulder.

The air is still and heavy. She’s conscious of every step and even the sight of a familiar figure on the loading dock isn’t enough to cure her unease.

Finn is waiting by the ship, his broad smile transformed into a thin line. He is taller than she remembered, his shoulders broad and his build confident, and there is pride bursting within her even now. He is a leader now, a pillar of strength, and she envies him for his fortitude.  

He doesn’t acknowledge Kylo but she supposes its better than any of their more recent interactions. Nobody’s debauched or beaten this time but that doesn’t make the occasion any less painful.

“Don’t go,” Finn tells her and her heart breaks as she hugs him close.

\--

Another life, a life where she had fled to the Outer Rim instead of to her ruin, unfurls before her, and it shines so brightly that she is nearly blinded.

Life wouldn’t have been easy but she could not remember a time where hers was. She could make her own money- the idea of it is thrilling even now- or maybe buy her own ship once she scavenged enough. A proper one like the Falcon must have been long, long ago.

The Republic might have been destroyed entirely but she’d have Finn to mind in the meantime.  Someone to share rations with and curl up with in the night. Someone to talk with and someone to listen.

She’d have taken him as lover quickly enough without the possibility of starvation looming overhead. She had liked the few kisses they shared on Ach-to, had tasted the smile in his lips as they pulled apart and thought just how nice it was to touch someone who cared for her. It would be no hardship to spend each night in his bed and she could be content with a life like that. One that was bearable and pleasant enough. One that never changed.

She’d have never met Kylo. The thought of that is both the happiest and most terrifying thing she could imagine.

But those are the hopes of a girl who died a long time ago, buried in the dreams of someone who could not leave her lover no matter how sweet such betrayal would be.

\-- 

She comes back to the world of Finn’s embrace and Kylo’s sneer. The fantasy disappears entirely and the world is just as unforgiving as before.

“I have to leave,” Rey says softly and she tries her best to leave it at that.

Finn does not understand, he can’t possibly understand, and yet he hugs her once more.

Kylo clears his throat three times before she can ignore him no longer. She doesn’t take his hand but she disappears into the ship anyway.

She turns around to wave Finn a final farewell.

It is much harder than it should be.

\--

She sits in the captain’s chair, more out of habit than anything else, and pretends to steer the course.  

There are thousands of things she wants to tell Kylo, most of them filled with the curses she first learned at Niima outpost back when foul language was the worst thing she could imagine. Every idea is more spiteful and immature than the last and she wishes only that he were the type of person to be offended by such things.

He feels it more when she ignores him. And so that is what she does.

\--

He’s been tapping his knee against the controls for nearly two hours, occasionally snapping in hopes that she’ll acknowledge his juvenile behavior, when he finally breaks.

“You’ll have to talk to me at some point,” Kylo huffs.

 She says nothing and stares ahead. From the corner of her eye, she can spot him getting out of his seat and smugness replaces some of her frustration.

“ _Rey,”_   he needles. He crouches just to the side of her and she rolls her eyes before finally giving him the attention he so desperately craves.

“Everyone knows,” she says, staring at the empty sea of black ahead of them. “You couldn’t keep your fat mouth shut and now everyone in the goddamn galaxy knows we’ve been sleeping together.”

Some part of her registers the feel of his hand on her arm but it is less a delicate embrace and more a thinly veiled attempt to keep her restrained. Her stomach has been in knots since they left the base and her discomfort only grows.

“It was bound to come out,” he says. “If the _General’s_ men are as good as she claims, then they would have figured it out when you landed on the base with my cum leaking out of you.”

It’s as close to an apology as she is like to get and she spins her chair away from him.    

“That didn’t mean letting the entire fucking Resistance know I’ve been sucking you off,” she hisses. “I told you to wait.”

“That doesn't mean I have to listen. You don’t get to decide what this is . . .” Kylo insists. He tries to touch her again, his hand grazing against her shoulder and her blood boils.

“Neither do you,” she snaps. “You’re not my keeper, _Ben.”_

His hand falls from her as though she had struck it with her saber. She can’t help but be a little pleased.

“Don’t call me that,” he barks.

She turns around slowly, finally facing him.

“I will call you whatever the fuck I want,” she retorts, each word spoken carefully. “You’ve taken everything else from me.”

They stare at each other in silence and it should be a relief to no longer hear his stupid fucking voice but it isn’t. She sighs before she can stop herself and words spill out of their own accord.

“You made it so they’ll never trust me again,” she says quietly. “They think I’m weak.”

“Then they are wrong,” he tells her earnestly. “Their minds are too small to recognize how powerful you are. They can’t possibly understand what you need.”

He darts forward and holds her hand to his lips. He kisses it just once but she barely feels it.

“And you don’t need them,” he says softly. “You have me.”

He uses his other hand to reach for her face but she jerks away before he has another opportunity to make her resolve fade. He does not press further than that and she leaves the controls before he can try and fuck her into submission.

The ship suddenly feels too small and she disappears to the one place that doesn’t reek of them both. She hides in the supply closet and crouches on the floor, counting the packages on the shelves in the same way she counts days alone. She can’t decide whether to be pleased or angry when he doesn’t come bursting through the door right behind her.

\--

She wakes unaware that she ever fell asleep. Her neck will be stiff in the morning but it feels lighter than her soul would be had she stayed.

 But her stomach starts rumbling and she has never been one to ignore its call.

 There is fresh food in the canteen, bread and fruit and dried meat piled on top of standard-issue rations. The niceness of it is immediately familiar and Rey smiles as she starts on the last supper packed by the mother who would sacrifice her son to the darkness once more.

She devours a piece of fruit, letting the red juices drip down her chin, before finding Kylo sitting in her chair.

She doesn’t disturb him, chooses instead to observe his passive-aggressive sort of captaining from a few paces away. At least until her eyes flicker to the controls.

She ambles closer but he is unmoved as she squints and verifies her findings

“I thought we were going after Hux,” Rey says. “Those aren’t the coordinates you gave the Resistance.”

 Her voice isn’t accusatory. Not yet at least.

“I’m aware,” Kylo says gruffly. “We’re making another stop first.”

“We don’t have time for a holiday,” she says. “We have a job to do.”

“And we _will_ do it,” Kylo says.  

He sighs and looks at her for the first time since she stormed out, his face heavy with almost the same exasperation the General wore when they left the base.

“There’s a hotel most of the officers go to when they're on leave,” he tells her. “A night there is worth more than years of surveillance.”

“Hux won’t be there?” Rey asks and Kylo’s annoyance fades into something smug and familiar.

“He feels fraternization with anyone but the Supreme Leader himself is a waste of time,” Kylo says. “The men loathe him for it.”

He’s almost gleeful when he says this which is odd given his own inability to inspire anything other than annoyance at best. Still she does not emphasize it and sinks into the chair beside him as they wander closer and closer to nowhere.

They barely talk for the rest of the night, saying only what is necessary to co-exist, before she starts to nod off in her seat.

She wakes up in their cot the next morning with Kylo still at the controls. She doesn’t remember how she got there but she never asks as they spend the rest of the journey in silence.

\--

She had thought the hotel in the Outer Rim was the height of luxury. She had been wrong. 

 There are droids posted at every corner of their newest haunt, practically jumping over themselves to attend to every richly dressed being who struts through the doors.  There’s a fountain, a useless beautiful thing, that changes colors every time a passerby gets close enough to its waters. She would feel embarrassed about her grease-stained clothes if she had the energy left to care about her appearance but instead she focuses on the gilded surfaces that shroud them and the exotic beasts in the lobby that can only be deemed the stuff of fever dreams.

Kylo is clearly used to such things and so she pretends to share his disinterest as they breeze past the front desk and straight towards the glass elevators. Nobody questions them and the taste of such decadence feels sour on her tongue.

\--

They stand on opposite ends of the lift, soaring higher and higher until they stop at the top floor.

The suite he’s procured, whether through deception or through the millions of credits a man like him is sure have, is far too large for the them both but Kylo has never been one for subtleties especially when such decorum would deprive him of his more sinful pleasures.

But despite the massive bed and mirrors in every corner of the room, Kylo’s focus is fixed on the task at hand. He tosses his pack into the center of the gargantuan bed and he barely notices as she sets hers carefully by the dresser.

“You’ll need the fresher before we find Hux’s men,” he says bluntly. “I can smell you from a mile away.”

She should be offended but he’s bound to say something much worse. She sighs instead, making quick work of her clothes before finding the fresher door.

There’s room enough for an entire planet in there, perhaps an entire galaxy if she were particularly organized, and she feels impossibly small as she dares to disturb their silence.

“Are you coming with me?”

She likes it when he washes her, likes being the subject of devotions instead of poisonous longing, and she hates just how stupid she sounds. Her voice is far too hopeful by half and it is punishment enough when Kylo’s face remains unchanged.

“You’re a grown woman,” he says curtly. “You shouldn’t need my help.”

Rey slams the door behind her and fiddles with the controls until she can disappear into the downpour.

She comes up with three perfectly adequate responses to his cheek by the time she’s clean, but even an imaginary victory rings hollow.

\--

Kylo is already dressed when she comes back to the bedroom. He looks far more comfortable in the First Order uniform than he had in his borrowed street clothes, lacking only the helmet to be the ghost he was when he first stole her away.

He looks just as important as he thinks he is and it suits him entirely.

She tugs the plush towel closer to her skin and eyes him expectantly.

“Where’s my uniform?” Rey asks.

 “I didn’t bother finding you one,” he says with a shrug of his shoulders. “You can wear this.”  

He points and she sees something silver and luxurious laid on the bed. It has a bit more heft than the nightgown she has balled in the bottom of her bag but that hardly makes it appropriate for anyone to wear. The neckline is deep enough that she’s self-conscious before it even touches her skin and Rey rolls her eyes before she can help herself.

 “I’d prefer a uniform,” she says and he smirks. “The First Order has to have female officers.”

“And none of them are in Hux’s direct chain of command,” he says smugly. “You won’t be noticed this way. You should be thanking me.”

“I don’t like it when you buy me things,” she says. “Especially things like _this.”_

 The dress shines in the light and the thought of its cost nearly makes her wretch. 

“I’m not asking for repayment,” he tells her.  “If I wanted a benefactress, I wouldn’t be wasting my time with you.”

“Prick,” she mutters under her breath but he only responds with a smirk.

“Get dressed,” he commands. “You’re making us late.”

He grabs the gown off the bed and holds it toward her until she finally lets the towel sink to the floor.

He’s seen her naked dozens of times and while this time is hardly different, the air is still far too bitter to reward him with her immediate compliance. She snatches the gown from him but grabs her pack from the dresser and storms back into the fresher before he has another opportunity to comment on her inadequacies.

He laughs when she shuts the door and the bounty still on his head sounds more appealing that it ever has.

\--

The gown fits as though it was made just for her, and while it might very well be, it is nothing she would have ever put on voluntarily.

If her breasts were any larger, they would be exposed entirely and she wishes only for a needle and thread to make herself seem somewhat respectable. The hem goes to the floor but that doesn’t make it proper in any way shape or form. There’s a slit that goes up to her hip and she’s never been more grateful for the impractical underthings hidden underneath, trifles that exist only to be revealed by a greedy lover.

The dress has enough heft that she can hide her saber on her thigh and it is at least long enough that her cleanest shoes won’t attract too much attention. But those are the garment’s only virtues.

Her hair falls like a dark curtain onto her shoulders and while it is too long for her own liking, she supposes she could look far worse and so she returns to the discomfort of their shared room with her scowl still lingering on her face.

“I’m dressed,” she says bluntly, holding her arms up in a mockery of appreciation. “Happy?”

Kylo’s eyes scan her body and it is more invasive than any time he has been in her mind. He journeys closer and her heart races.

He lifts the hem of the dress nearly to her cunt and shakes his head.

“No saber,” he says, running his hand up and down her exposed thigh. “You’re the only woman alive who has one. If you’re searched, you’ll give the whole thing away.”

He removes the saber from its holster, letting his palm linger on the meat of her thigh before sliding it into his trousers pocket. 

She starts to slide the dress back down but he clicks his tongue disapprovingly before she can even pretend to be respectable. 

“Underwear too,” he says and she rolls her eyes.

“I’m not the only woman alive who wears underwear,” she says, her voice a pale imitation of his demand. He smiles fondly but he refuses to put her dress back into place until she tugs the fabric down her thighs. He catches it before it falls to the floor and it joins the saber lurking in his pocket.

Kylo darts closer toward her and her mouth parts in expectation. But he doesn’t kiss her, no matter how much she has grown used to such pleasures.

He ruffles her hair, deconstructing what was once orderly into an utter mess before bending down and mouthing hungrily at her neck

A moan escapes her throat but he’s already left a mark by the time she leans into his embrace.

“The whores around here tend to look a little . . . used,” he tells her. “I needed to make sure you blended in.”

“You could just fuck me,” she mutters and he smirks as he presses his body against her.

“I could,” he whispers. His mouth is hot on her ear and she forgot just how good it was to be touched. She turns her head and their mouths are only breaths apart when he finally speaks again.  

_“But you told me to wait.”_

He stands upright and turns as though nothing out of the ordinary has happened.

The ride down to the gaming halls is a silent one.

\--

There is part of her that wants Kylo’s plan to crumble into ashes, to see the look of surprise on his stupid face when the men figure out just exactly who is cheating them out of their blood money.

But Hux’s men accept Kylo as though he has been among them for ages. They clap him on the back, awarding him with knowing smiles as she takes her place behind his chair. Kylo speaks to the men in a voice that feels borrowed, the same swaggering drawl Han had favored in their brief time together, and she observes with pursed lips as Kylo stacks the odds in his favor and buys the men another round.

She’s too unfamiliar with battle beyond the destruction of the killing fields to appreciate the performance and the charismatic disguise he wears is one she doesn’t like. He uses too many teeth when he smiles and any drop of sincerity Kylo once had is replaced by a wall of impenetrable ego.

Kylo doesn’t acknowledge her, he’s too busy getting the men inebriated enough to where he no longer needs to feign civility, and so she drinks from every glass that is offered to her.  

She agreed to be a trophy for the evening. She never agreed to be a sober one.

The flavors are too overwhelming at first, just like everything else about their oasis and soon she's tipsy enough to find the bitterest drink easy to swallow. She can't keep from smiling at the droid bringing her refills and the wafting music from the hall is suddenly her favorite melody.

After the fourth drink, she finds it hard to care about anything beyond getting drunker and the task of remaining perched at Kylo’s side becomes a nearly impossible one. She wobbles, not enough to fall, but Kylo is hardly a gentleman when she catches herself on his shoulder.

“Why don’t you lie down, sweetheart,” Kylo tells her. “You’ll need to rest up for later anyway.”

 He uses the voice she’s only ever heard him use during his failed attempts at haggling, something irritating and slow as though she has no idea what he is saying.

The men laugh and she bites her tongue as she slinks to the back of the room. There’s a couch upholstered with velvet and even if her feet nearly cry from relief, she glares at the back of Kylo’s head.

Minutes go by without him even sparing her a passing glance and so she thinks her annoyance at him with an empty glass in her hands.

_You’re a dick_

Kylo doesn’t respond, either too popular or disinterested to care, and so she flags the droid over and starts to drink even more.

She settles herself in for a night that she will not remember when someone dares to intrude upon her solitude.

She recognizes the interloper, a soldier just old enough to don a uniform, although the golden light of the gaming halls illuminates his features more than the darkened corner she had saw him last. He sits beside her as though he has every right and she remembers instantly the feel of his hand on her thigh when she tried her best to charm him in Coruscant’s shittiest bar.

He had been arrogant then. It seems time has only enhanced that virtue.

“You seem familiar,” the boy says. He looks older than he did the last time, the thin mustache he sports providing a shoddy sort of gravitas that he had lacked when they first met. But he’s handsome in a bland sort of way with a face that could belong to any number of boys and a smile that could be charming if he tried so she does not turn him away just yet.

If Kylo wants her to look like a whore, she might as well act like it. 

“I’m not,” she says, smiling as winsomely as she can, and he looks positively thrilled.

“Wishful thinking then,” he replies. “Although it’s not every day I get to meet a woman as stunning as you.”

 He grabs two glasses from a particularly enthusiastic droid and hands one to her with a nod of his head. She swallows the entire shot in one go, ignoring the burn as the alcohol’s sting radiates through her.  He follows suit and his leg darts closer to hers when he thinks she isn’t paying attention.

None of the other men spare her a second glance now that Kylo has fully dominated the conversation. She is just as invisible as Kylo said she would be, seen but not observed, and she embraces it for the first time since they landed.

“Do you have a name?” He asks. His eyes dart down to her cleavage and she’d roll her eyes if she didn’t find his poor attempts at seduction quite so funny.

“That depends,” Rey says. “How many credits do you have?

The voice that comes from her lips is far more confident than she has ever been, more seductress than scavenger, and the boy looks intrigued.

He laughs and she smiles again without a moment’s hesitation. He’s loud enough to draw attention to them both but if Kylo glares at them, it is hardly her concern. The boy asks her name again, refusing to step down, and so she offers up the first one that flits through her mind.

“Kira,” she says, amazed at how easily the lie rolls off her tongue.

“Kira,” he says, letting the word linger. “Are you available for the night, Kira?”

Part of her is tempted to lie, to give him the answer he is clearly desperate to hear and bask in the adoration of a boy eager to prove his mettle. He looks at her as though she is the most fascinating woman he has ever met and it might very well be true given how green he looks.

Kylo’s presence overwhelms her even when he has cast her aside but that is not what gives her pause. She can handle drunken laughter and the occasional smile but the thought of claiming the boy, letting him claim her, is enough to make her nauseous.

She shakes her head as though it is her greatest regret and while his smile falters, it does not disappear entirely

“Pity,” he says, shrugging his shoulders before letting his hand brush hers. He is ambitious, she will give him that, and so she tries to smile before correcting his presumption.

She moves her hand back to her side and he clicks his teeth disapprovingly.

“You don’t have to be rude, sweetheart,” he chides. “But I do have to know who managed to snag you before I had the chance.”

His arm is wrapped around her now, tight as though they are the best of friends, and her hand darts absentmindedly to the thigh that should be armed with a saber.

What little good will she had for him is all but disappeared and she points at her jailer without a moment’s hesitation.

Only  Kylo's profile is visible but she’s never been more grateful for the scar she cut across his face. Even amongst the friendliest games of chance, he seems feral but the boy is only more relentless now that his challenger is in plain view.

“I can buy you off him if you’d like,” he whispers, nodding his head toward where Kylo sits among the officers. “Someone like you shouldn’t be wasted on a face like that.”

His breath is hot in her ear and her skin starts to crawl as he leans in to stroke her arm. His fingers are too soft and she wonders just how easily it would be to break them from his hands.

She knows well enough not to use the Force, not when they are lodged so deeply in the belly of the beast, but it shouldn’t be that difficult to cleave the bones from his flesh.

But before she can make her excuses, however feeble they may be, another comes to claim his due. The boy stands immediately and though she knows too little of military matters to recognize the ranks Kylo wears on his chest, there is no doubting he appears to be a man of great importance.

“Private,” Kylo says and the boy nods his head hurriedly.

“It’s poor form to steal another officer’s woman,” he says. “You’re lucky I don’t cut off your hand.”

“I was just trying to be polite _, sir_ ,” the boy says. “She seemed to be having a good enough time with me.”

He wears this shit-eating grin that immediately falters as Kylo puts a hand on his blaster. The other officers are looking now, their faces eager as they watch their newest friend terrify their young charge. She hears murmurs and then silence as they wait for blows to come.

“It won’t happen again,” the boy says nervously. 

Kylo’s fingers dance near the trigger and the boy stops breathing.

“See that it doesn’t,” Kylo says poisonously.

Her suitor is visibly relieved and while the men appear disappointed, they are more than content to. Kylo snaps his fingers, storming out of the room and she follows just as quickly as she can without sparing the boy a second glance.

She can hear the officers jeering as they go.

\--

They’ve barely made it into the hall when Kylo’s temper flares. He turns and she sees only the shadow that nearly destroyed them both on Ach-to, eyes nearly black and a vein in his forehead that threatens to burst.

“That boy,” Kylo says, stalking toward her. “You let him touch you.”

He isn’t asking for clarification, just saying what they both already know. Her back hits the wall and he keeps her pressed against it. He’s hard, she can feel his cock bulging in his trousers, and her heart races.

“Yes,” she says. Her voice doesn’t waver and his hand disappears under the hem of her dress. There is no stopping his inquisition and so she parts her legs further as he finds her cunt.

He runs a hand between her folds and it is the hardest thing she has done not to make a sound as he rubs her clit. There’s the sound of footsteps somewhere in the distance but Kylo doesn’t pull away.

“And you’re wet,” Kylo says matter-of-factly. He slides a finger inside her and she bites her lip to keep from making a sound.  “I could smell you from across the room. It was indecent.”

He hasn’t fucked her since they left the base and with only one finger to tempt her, such a short reprieve is suddenly far too long. She clenches down and her breathing becomes even shakier.

“We can talk about this in the room,” Rey says. _“Please.”_

There is no subtlety in her voice but even her feeble attempt at decorum are utterly ignored. How could they not be when she’s bucking against his hand.

“He wanted you,” he says matter-of-factly. It isn’t a question but she nods her head in reply, unable to ignore her body tightening around him even more. Kylo slips in another finger and she swears under her breath as he smiles in the cruelest way.

“He wouldn’t know what to do with you,” Kylo says in a low voice. “He’d be finished and asleep before you were even close to cumming.”

She arches her pelvis toward his fingers, desperate for him to move but he holds completely still. Her breathing is heavy but she refuses to demand any more than he is willing to give in.

“I doubt he’d even lick your cunt,” he says. “He’d spend a fortune to have something wet and warm to cum in without even finding out just how sweet you taste.”

His other hand moves to her neck, gripping it tight. Her heart is racing and there is no way he can’t feel it.

“I guess I’ll have to keep you on a leash from now on,” Kylo tells her. “Otherwise you might run off.”

He widens his fingers, stretching her even more, and her head crashes back against the papered walls.

“Is that what I need to do, Rey?” Kylo asks as the hand on her neck tightens its grip. “Do I need to tie you up again?”

“No,” she says, shaking her head. “I promise.”

She swallows a lump in her throat and he seems satisfied. The fingers in her cunt disappear and her entire body mourns their absence.

“Good,” he says smugly. “But you’re going to have to prove it.”

 The hand on her neck vanishes but he is nowhere finished with her yet. He grips the back of her head, so tight that her eyes begin to water, and her lips part of their own accord as she collapses to her knees. There is no mistaking what he desires and her heart pounds in her ears.

“Someone will see us,” she says and it is barely a protest. For some reason, the idea of an audience is not the deterrent it should be and she’s practically salivating by the time he pulls out his cock.

“If you’re worried about being caught, you’ll be quick about it,” he says gruffly.

He grabs her hair, forcing her to look up at him. His eyes are dark and his aura is filled with the same terrifying want she remembers from before they’d even kissed. Rey nods just once, eager to soothe, and suddenly his cock is in her mouth.

It's been ages since he's asked her to suck him off, not since they left Mustafar and even back then it was only while he licked her to completion. His mouth is glued to her cunt every chance he gets but he usually bends her over or yanks her on top before she ever gets the chance to explore him as she pleases.

He likes it best when she is the one begging, screaming so desperately that entire worlds can hear it. But even now with her lips around him, he is still in control. He fucks her mouth just as he likes and it is her job only to be exactly as he desires.

She gags, her eyes welling with tears, and he swells even harder as he thrusts forward.

"Deeper," he says, knotting his fingers in her hair. “Be a good girl for me.”

His words make her more drunk than any wine and she’d touch herself if Kylo allowed such indulgences, sate the ache between her thighs with a pale imitation of his fingers on her clit, but instead she does as he asks.

Rey grabs his ass, her nails digging into the skin as she drinks him down further. There is no finesse in how she worships him. There is drool pooling on her chin and the sounds emerging from her throat are far too loud to go unnoticed by any passerby looking for the evening’s entertainments.

Her throat aches but it doesn’t matter. All that matters is doing as she’s told.

Kylo groans and without warning, his cum fills her mouth as he punishes her with one final thrust. She wants to lap at him, to show her devotions in the one way that doesn’t terrify her, but he tucks himself back into his trousers almost as soon as he’s finished,

“Don’t swallow,” he says. “Not yet.”

His eyes are less angry now and so she complies with another nod. He’s salty on her tongue, bitter in a way that should be unpleasant but only makes her heart race.

Kylo pulls her from the ground and bends down to find her lips, cupping her face between his hands. His tongue plunges into her mouth and he kisses her as though his life depends on it.  

He tastes himself on her tongue and the pressure between her legs throbs so intensely that she might faint. There is something depraved in it and so she kisses back just as hungrily, savoring the wine-soaked taste of his mouth as she swallows his cum.

Kylo pulls away before she’s ready. He runs a thumb over her parted lips and her eyes are locked onto his every move.

“Go back to the men and make our excuses,” Kylo tells her. “Don’t let any of them touch you again.”

His words are a threat but he speaks them so gently. She nods her agreement and it seems to pacify him.

“Come to the room after,” Kylo says. “The longer it takes, the worse it’ll be for you.”

He leaves before she can claim another kiss and yet a thrill runs through her.

\--

The room is unlocked and he’s seated on the edge of the bed, wearing only his trousers and a stern expression.

She walks towards him, drawn like an insect to light, but he holds a hand out to stop any further movements.

“Take off your clothes,” Kylo says. “Quickly now. You’ve kept me waiting.”

There is very little to remove, he had made sure of that earlier, but still she obeys. She kicks off her shoes and the dress falls into a pile on the floor.

Rey is entirely exposed, her nipples hardened as she waits with baited breath for his next order.

“Across my lap,” he says. “Be a good girl now.”

He pats his thigh as if she were a disobedient child and his face remains unchanged.

Part of her wants to laugh and yet all she can do is nod her compliance as she gets in position. Her ass is bared and her heart pounds in her ears. She must look ridiculous but Kylo seems to take pleasure in the spectacle she has become.

“You know why I’m doing this, don’t you?” His hand runs over her thighs, rough and terrifying. “Why I’m angry?”

“No,” she says defiantly and his hand stills.

“Yes, you do,” Kylo says. He cups her ass with his hand, the only indication that she is anything more than a nuisance.

“You forgot who you belong to,” Kylo tells her. “And after everything I’ve done for you.”

His hand runs up and down her back now and her stomach is nearly in her throat.

“You’re going to count each time I hit you,” he says. “If you’re going to act like a brat, you deserve to be punished like one. Do you understand?

“Yes,” she says in a breathy voice and the time for regrets disappears.

 He makes contact and she forgets anything but his palm on her skin. She yelps but he is undeterred.

He wants it to hurt. He wants her to remember exactly what happens when she misbehaves.

“I told you to count,” he says, clucking his tongue in disapproval. “I’m going to have to start again.”

He hits her harder the second time and the noise she makes is something inhuman.

“One,” she says in a shaky voice and he lets out a pleased sort of noise.

“There,” Kylo tells her, voice dripping with condescension. “It isn’t that hard, is it?”

He strikes her again and the only answer she has is the next number in the count. His touch is only harsher as he progresses and yet she keeps arching her ass toward his hand. Every noise she makes rings out through the room and her entire body is drenched with sweat.

She loses track somewhere around twenty-five but counting no longer seems to be his priority.  His cock is straining through his trousers and her thighs cling together, sticky with juices.

He stops, just as suddenly as he started, letting his fingers slip down to her cunt. She whines and he laughs.

Rey has never hated him more.

“I need to cum,” she says. “Please let me cum, Kylo.”

She’s almost sobbing but Kylo is not in a generous mood.

“Are you going to be good for me?”

One of his fingers parts her lips and she thrusts closer to his hand.

“Just let me cum,” she says through gritted teeth. “Please.”

“That wasn’t a yes…” Kylo says, taunting her with what she already knows. “Do you need to be punished more?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Rey says through gritted teeth and he finally gives in.

He jams three fingers into her cunt and she can hear just how drenched she is as he fucks her with them, moving them in and out without any hint of gentleness. Her entire body seizes as he brings her to a painful climax, one she’s earned through every drip of sweat, and her legs begin to shake as moans fill the air.

They must belong to her but she does not recognize their desperate sound.

She’s loose and pliant, her entire body boneless as he shoves her to the center of the bed. Kylo parts her legs, filling the space between them, and it is all she can do to open herself even further to him.

He yanks down his trousers just enough to bare his cock, guiding himself into her and ramming hard. Kylo pins her wrists above her head and the nails dig into the skin.

 It should hurt but instead it makes her whole.

She’s far too stimulated to get anywhere close to cumming again but it is enough just to take every punishing thrust.

“More,” she begs as she lifts her hips and Kylo follows orders.

He cums in her soon after that. Kylo flees their bed almost immediately afterward, tucking himself back into his trousers without even a parting kiss.

There’s not enough energy left in her body to be mad.

\--

Rey rests, propped up on a mountain of pillows, and even now she can feel the sting of his palm on her ass. Her eyelids grow heavier by the minute but still she watches as he does too many press-ups on the bedroom floor.

Kylo normally indulges her “foolish need for affection” after they’ve fucked but tonight is apparently the exception. The muscles in his arms strain in the golden sort of twilight found in the room and even if she wasn’t the cause, there would be no hiding his frustration.

He’s not angry enough to avoid her entirely or to keep from their bed. He’s just cross enough to pretend he will, and even though she’ll wake up with his cock hard against her ass and his arms wrapped around her chest, she pretends to be contrite as his resolve starts to fade.

He pushes himself for only a few minutes more, giving into the afterglow that makes whatever disturbed courtship this is completely worth it. There’s a light sheen of sweat on his chest when he finally stands and the urge to cleave herself to him only grows.

“Are you going to do this whenever someone flirts with me?” Rey asks. She stretches her arms overhead and tries her best not to be smug when Kylo eyes her breasts and the bruises forming on her thighs.

“No,” he says matter-of-factly and she raises her eyebrows in disbelief.

He leans over the bed and their faces are only inches apart.

“It’ll be much worse next time.”

She smiles but his face remains just as stony and impassive as before. Her hand darts to cup his cheek and she touches him as gently as she can.

“I’ll try and be good then,” she tells him. “I’m not sure I could survive a next time.”

She yawns and he kisses her forehead before she tugs him on top of her. She finds his lips and they kiss lazily as she wraps her legs around him once more.

He doesn’t linger as she’d like but there’s more than enough time to savor the feel of his skin on hers before he fully changes back into the stolen uniform.

Kylo doesn’t tell her where he’s going and she’s too drowsy to put up much of a fight when he tucks her under the covers and kisses her hair. He leaves a glass of water on the nightstand and the lights are dimmed as he shuts the door behind him. 

\--

She’s never had a more peaceful night’s sleep.

\--

 There is a full breakfast waiting for her when she wakes the next morning.

Kylo is at the table already, his cup filled with the too-strong caf he favors. It’s the kind of drink she’d force down her throat before scavenges, more ship fuel than sustenance, and she’s never been more grateful for the pot of tea hidden behind it.

He’s back to wearing his own clothing now, not quite as pristine as a First Order uniform and not quite as gentle as the clothes he got on the base, but he looks like himself and she supposes that is most important.

“Sit,” he says, patting his lap in a much gentler way than he had the night before. “Eat.”

He is oddly chipper, content in a way that he never is in the mornings and she’d be concerned if she weren’t suddenly so hungry. The dark circles under his eyes belie his lack of sleep but the time for questioning will come later.

The dress is too much for the morning and she is no longer so bold as to strut around naked and free. She finds Kylo’s uniform shirt on the floor and though the fabric is hardly comfortable, something feels proper about sliding it on. He barely looks up from his caf but she can make out his murmur of appreciation.

She curls up in his lap, still too sleepy to question orders. He doesn’t even need to tug on her leash.

“We’ll need to leave soon,” Kylo says. “They’ll be finding _your friend’s_ head on a gaming table any minute now.”

There’s a bite to his words but they are hardly venomous. It is a warning and a hollow one at that, especially when he knows she can take care of any unwanted suitors herself. So instead she focuses on her roaring stomach and the food just waiting to be devoured.

She cuts into the egg and the yolk drips onto the plate. The gold is striking against the china and she sops it up with Kylo’s untouched crust of bread.

“He wasn’t my friend,” Rey says matter-of-factly. “Forgive me if I’m not in mourning.”

Kylo presses a small kiss to her neck and she lets out a pleased sort of sound as she starts eating.

“At least his death wasn’t in vain,” Kylo says. “He knew more about Hux than a boy his rank has any right to know. That might explain why it took him so long to talk.”

“If you hadn’t have interrupted us at the gaming tables, I bet he would have told me whatever I wanted to hear.” Rey says. “You could have saved yourself the trouble and we’d have another man on the inside.”

The words are muffled but the way he holds her tighter seems to indicate that he fully understood. It is a decent plan, more than decent if she's being perfectly honest, but Kylo's lack of enthusiasm tells her everything she needs to know.

“You are mine and he tried to take you from me,” he says bluntly. “There’s nothing you can say that will make me regret killing him.”

His fingers dance on her arm and she leans into his touch. Rey finishes the bread, ignoring the way her throat goes dry. Kylo holds her as though she’ll make a break for it any minute now and she’d be offended if it wasn’t a relief to see him feeling anything less than completely in control.

There are dozens of things she could tell him, some of them comforting, some of them clear invitations to another well-deserved punishment. Most of them are true and yet the one that comes to mind never leaves her lips as she rests her head against the crook of his neck.

_You’re mine too._

It pales in comparison to each one of his whispered confessions but it seems to satisfy. He breathes in her scent, the perfume of sweat and liquor and sex radiating from her skin, and she wants nothing more than to be consumed, to be laid upon the table and have him feast on her once more.

“I always was,” he tells her and there is a smile on her lips as she tastes his kiss.

\--

It is easy to believe him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
